She Dreams Of Spain

She Dreams Of Spain Chapter Two

Chapter 2- SDOS

I told him everything...well almost everything. I didn't tell him about the things I did when I was all alone. Or how I thought about ending it all. I told him of my loneliness. I just didn't tell him of the consequences it caused.

I felt like I could trust him. I didn't want the one person who I can talk to to think I'm crazy. I want to feel normal, with normal friends. At Least for just a little while.

I don't know if he really understood. He sort of just stared at me and nodded when appropriate. Maybe he didn't understand at all. It was nice to talk about it though.

In reality my loneliness is killing me. Soon enough it would kill me. I've given up a long time ago. I don't really know if anything is worth living for. No one really wants me here. I have no family, no friends, no one to care for me at all. It would just be nice if I could distract myself with the fantasy that someone cared about me. So maybe then I could prolong my death.

I was in the middle of contemplating my suicide when something unexpected happened.

I was brought out of my trance by a pair of semi-muscley arms wrapping around me in a warm embrace.

Wendell was hugging me. He was actually hugging me.

"What are you doing?" I asked. No one had ever out of the blue hugged me. Actually I rarely had contact with anyone.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything you go through. No one deserves that. No one." Wendell said as he pushed his nose into the small of back.

Before I could answer Wendell has already unwinded his arms from my petite frame.

"Come on, let's get out of here. You and me." I just nodded. I didn't know what to say. I needed this. At the same time though I was sort of skeptical. I was waiting for him to show his actual colors.

We ended up taking his car and he took us to a little ice cream store by the park. The store was quite adorable. It was small but really unique. It was a little vintage. It had two tiny tables sitting near each other, each with two chair. There was a young woman behind the ice cream stand.

Wendell ordered as I sat down. Around two minutes later he came back with two ice cream cones in his hand. I thought he was going to sit down by me but I was surprised. He only smiled and walk towards the door. That bugger had my ice cream cone. I followed after him.

When I walked outside he was making his way towards the bench at the park.

The park was huge and always reflected the time of year. It was always pretty here. The only time it wasn't was around December when all the leaves would fall, and even then it would still have some of its own weird beauty

"Do you ever feel like the world isn't all that it's cracked up to be?" He broke my train of thought. He was staring off into the distance, almost like the trees were the most captivating things in his life. He broke away to look me in the eyes, His look bore into my soul. For once in my life I was sure someone could see. The actual me, like he could see all my sadness and the things I felt when I was all alone.

"Everyday" I said while still staring into his beautiful eyes. They held so much sadness, so much grief. He was broken, like me.

He nodded in understandment, as if he knew I was sadder than what I led on. I closed my eyes. At that point in life I just wanted things to stop. Why couldn't I be happy? More importantly, why couldn't Wendall be happy? I don't know who to blame, everyone, the world, or me.

I didn't want to kill myself, at least not today, but I knew one day I would. Every atom screamed for something more, something that was always out of my reach. I knew that one day I would have to kill myself. I can't live in this world. I'm weak. I'm hopeless. I've already come to terms with that. One day will be my last and I'm okay with that.

I already know that I can't tell anyone that either. I already know the infamous speech about dying won't do anything for you. It will. It will end the pain I have. It will end all my feeling in general and I'm okay with that. Then there's the other speech, "Suicide just hurts everyone around you." That may work for most people but it doesn't for me. I have no one. My parents wouldn't miss me. I know for sure they don't love me. If by for some Godforsaken reason they do, then they have a funny way of showing if. I had no friends. No lovers. No past lovers that still love. I was alone.

A hand grasping mine pulled me out of my less than pleasant thoughts. "Whatever you're thinking of stop. I don't know what it is but it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize it isn't something good." Wendell said. Something about his voice. It reminded me of a door securely locked and chain. It hid something that I wanted to know, needed to know. The way his hand held mine, gentle yet firm. It was reassuring.

I smiled at him and as I did he did something that made a little nervous. He reached his hand into my pants pocket.

"Um..what are you doing?" I said as he was fishing around in my pockets.

"Phone." he said simply, as if he was too concentrated to even answer in a full on sentence.

"Back pocket, silly." I said and giggled. It was a little funny. I nearly jumped though when I felt his hand reach into my back pocket and grab my phone.

My face turned like four or five shades brighter. He paid no mind though. He was busy on my phone.

When he was done it just handed it Back. He had put his number and contact information into my phone.

"If you need me, do not hesitate to call me. I don't give a fuck if you call at four in the morning. I'll be there. I'm always going to be there." He started off with a serious look but by the end he was smiling/ I swear to god his smile, it was different.

It seemed more than rare, but it was beautiful.

He was beautiful. He was beautiful in the way that these trees were beautiful in December. They were dead and sad, yet they held a certain beauty no one could explain.