Bloody Souvenirs

Epilogue

A few months later

At this time in the evening, the park was completely deserted, not a soul in sight. I was alone as I sat on the bench, staring off into lake in front of me.

I had just returned from the graveyard, after placing flowers on Scott's grave. Tulips. His favorite. Mine used to be white lilies but now they were associated with bad memories. So they weren't my favorite anymore.

A silent tear slid down my cheek as I remembered the last thing he said to me, "Goodnight. I love you to the moon and back, princess." I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. No, I won't cry. I have done enough of that these past few months.

Katelyn Grey. That's my name and not Katelyn Winters. That's what I had been telling myself ever since. The police had found my credentials in Ashton's possession and they had been returned to me. I live in an apartment alone. My parents died in a car crash and I certainly don't have a brother. I hav - had a boyfriend. His name was Scott Rivers.

"Hey." I heard someone say and I turned my head to see Jax jogging towards me. He halted to a stop and sat down beside me on the bench. "How are you?" he asked.

I sighed, "I'm....I don't know Jax. I can't exactly say I'm fine when I have to attend therapy sessions twice a week. And I live alone in my flat again. I..."

"Hey, it's okay." Jax said, "I mean, it's okay to not be okay sometimes. I can drop by sometimes, If you don't want to be alone. You went through a lot and you just need a little time to build yourself back up."

I sighed defeatedly. After a while, I said, "Ashton's lawyer pleaded insanity."

Jax nodded, "I heard."

"The judge gave the verdict that he'll have to spend the rest of his life in Ravencroft Institution for the Criminally Insane." I said.

"But that's not better than death row, is it?" Jax said, "To catch a fox, and put it in a box, and never ever let it go."

I sighed and looked down at my feet. Jax said, "Did you go to meet Matt?"

I shook my head slowly as I kicked a pebble with my foot, "No, I couldn't bring myself to. All this time, he was the only person I trusted. And he..." I trailed off.

"The police are saying it is a miracle he survived his injuries." Jax said, "And after all, he was trying to protect you."

"I know," I murmured, "And that's why I'm not going to press any charges against him."

We both sat in silence for a while. Then I finally broke it, "Jax, do you think I'm ever going to be the same?"

Jax looked at me in the eyes, his crystal blue ones captivating me, "To tell the truth, Kat. I don't. But that's okay. Our experiences change us."

I laughed bitterly, "They change us alright. But did I have to go through all this? Why me? Don't you realize? The sick monster always took two pictures, one to leave on the scene and the other as his freaking memento! That's just how sick he is!"

"Yeah, but-"

"Now I'll blame myself for the rest of my life." I finished, taking my head in my hands.

"Nothing was your fault. Blame yourself for what?"

"Sara's death. He killed her because of me. Maria's death. The girl in the street. She used to live next door to me. She died because she recognized me and was crossing over the street to me. To add more, the monster even killed Chris Renner, Scott's best friend!"

"But none of this was your fault!" Jax insisted, "You couldn't control his actions. There was nothing you could have done."

Instead of looking at Jax, I looked up at the sky and tried to blink back the tears, "You can't deny it, Jax. I'm a messed up person. I can barely sleep because I have nightmares every damn night. I'm filled with self hatred and trust issues. You should leave. You won't be able to put up with me."

Jax sighed, "You know what, Katelyn Grey? You should really stop pushing people away when they try to help you. You deserve to be loved. You just have to let people in."

"But who would be patient enough to put up with someone this messed up?" I said in a trembling voice, gesturing at myself up and down.

"Everybody's a little messed up." Jax said, his voice just above a whisper, "In their own way."

Without knowing what I was doing, I leaned in towards Jax and rested my head on his shoulder. He brushed a soft kiss on my cheek and I fluttered my eyes closed. Perhaps Jax was right. Everybody's a little messed up in their own way and it's okay to not be okay sometimes.

Was I okay? No. I wasn't okay in the least. I cried a lot. I had nightmares and panic attacks and had to attend therapy twice a week in order to forget what that monster put me through. So, no. I wasn't okay.

But that didn't mean I would never be.