I've never been very good with my words. I stutter. I jumble up my words. Talking to new people is difficult. Even ordering is too much. Maybe I'm "awkward", but who isn't? You can't honestly tell me you've never had an embarrassing moment. An awkward moment.
If you're thinking, "I haven't"
Don't lie. Especially to yourself.
Lying to yourself is possibly the most hazardous thing you could do to yourself. Want to know why? If you lie to yourself, how will you ever know who you truly are? Sure, you'll know appearance and maybe a few traits. But who you are tells someone a lot and if you don't know who you are, how will everyone else?
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My thoughts are often my sweet escape. Obviously, some things I think of give me headaches. But normally thinking is my clarity. I find my clarity helps best when I'm traveling. Right now, as I'm thinking this, I'm on a plane.
"Flying to somewhere special. Better. Somewhere good. Pure. True." Is what my dad described it as. Maybe that's true, not some lie to make me feel better. Do you want to hear actual honesty? Here it is. No matter how much you deny it, death happens. Always will. "Invincible" is only in comics and fantasy books. No one lives forever. In facts, nothing even lasts forever.
It was no surprise when my mom died. I had been fully aware it would happen eventually. Even if she she hadn't been so broken at the young age of thirty-seven. She would've died. Maybe not so soon, but eventually. So will my dad. And me, too. My brothers also.
It's uncontrollable.
But I was still devastated nonetheless.
And now here I am. Sitting on a plane, flying to New Jersey for a "fresh start" and a "clean slate." But let's face it, dads still going to cry at night and hide all day. I'm still going to be watching my brothers all day long. Nothing will change, unfortunately. Moving is pointless.
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First Chapter. What'd you think? Let me know.
Reminder: Dm me if want/ need. I'm here.❤️
YOU ARE READING
Saudade {Grayson Dolan}
FanfictionI made a mistake Oh, an awful mistake To love someone Who has lost all feeling Who is lost Who can't love me back This mistake? Will either make or break me.
