After we got unpacked and settled in, Dad sat us all down to give us one of his many "talks". All of his talks end up with him leaving and disappearing into the study to cry and us kids feeling awful. We get over it, knowing dad is just a sensitive guy. This time was different. It hurt so much more then I thought it would.
"I have something to tell you..." Dad stated. We all looked at eachother, thinking we knew what he was going to say. We didn't. "What is it, Dad?" My oldest younger brother asked, worried. "It's been a year, as you all know. Since...Well, since your mother died. For the past year, I have cried every single day. Been in pain every single day. Last night... Last night I was okay. I didn't cry, I didn't hurt. I think I'm ready."
"Ready for what?" I insisted, standing up. Dad licked his lips. "Honey, sit back down." He ordered. "No. Ready for what?" I asked again. "I'm ready to move on... I think I'm going to find someone." He told. My heart broke for mom.
"Wow, okay. You do that. You go replace mom. It's your fault she's gone anyway, so why should you care?" I said harshly, slamming my chair into the table. "I know. I know it's my fault, Ken. I'm trying to make up for it! Kendall, I love you and your brothers so much! I'm sorry, but to forgive myself, I need to take some steps." He explained, crying. I felt tears creep up on me, but I pushed them back. "Whatever." I ran up the stairs, trying to hide the swelling in my heart.
I knew in only a matter of minutes Alex and Sam would come up. Alex would lecture me while Sam would just hold my hand, trying to make me feel better. Until then, I stared at my hands. Studying every detail. Then my door opened.
"What the hell, Kendall. You couldn't have taken a minute and listened to him before shouting at him and making him cry? He's going through a rough enough time as it is. He isn't trying to replace mom, and he does and always will care about her." Alex lectured. "I know, Alex." I rolled my eyes. "Just go get me some Advil or Ibuprofen or something." I held my head as it ached.
As Alex walked out to do as he was told, Sam came over and sat on my lap, grabbing my hand. I kissed his little head with a smile. Alex gave me two pills and handed me a glass of water. I took the pills and chased them down with the water and Alex put the water on my nightstand, then sat next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, guys." I whispered.
"Don't apologize to us, apologize to dad." I knew Alex was right, so I decided in the morning Id tell him sorry. Until then, I climbed in bed and fell fast asleep.
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Saudade {Grayson Dolan}
FanfictionI made a mistake Oh, an awful mistake To love someone Who has lost all feeling Who is lost Who can't love me back This mistake? Will either make or break me.
