Diary

25th May 2016

Today was awful. There wasn't anything that necessarily that stood out as being bad. It was like any other day. I think it's back. The sadness. I wish I wasn't like this. I'm trying to drown myself in alcohol but I can't drink until the 17th of next month at least. I've been trying anything to get artificial happiness but nothing seems to be working. I've tried listening to happy songs. I've tried listening to sad songs. I've tried covering it up and pretending it's okay. In the end I gave in. I just got home and broke down. Even now I can still feel myself coming apart at the seams. I don't know how I coped when it happened before. I don't want to tell anyone because I would just stress them out like I did last time. I'm not worth their worry. I don't know why they're still here in my life. They have no reason to be. I don't do anything that would make them want to stay. In fact I do quite the opposite. I'm surprised they haven't left like the others. I love how I haven't had any reads on this journal. It makes me feel like I finally have somewhere I can vent and have no one worry about how I'm feeling. I can be truthful here. And I enjoy that. I hope no one reads this. So then I can get my secrets out and then no one would find out. No one I know anyway. It doesn't matter if it's someone I don't know. My leg is stinging again. I know what this means and I hope whoever is reading this doesn't know. You don't want to know what it means and you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Bye for now. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow if I'm feeling okay