When Blue Eyes Met Green - Larry Stylinson [AU]

chapter 6.

a/n: this is a bit angsty but we learn a tiny bit more about harry and his past in this one. this is the longest chapter yet, btw! 2.3k words and although that may not seem like a lot, it really is when you set a dealine for yourself and you try to write it in one day.

enjoy cuties !

-

harry knows he's fucked up.

damn, he knew he fucked up the minute he let louis wrap him in his arms that day in the therapy session.

that's something that even he can admit that he does a marvelous job at:

fucking things up. he messed things up things with his mother when she caught him cutting the first time. but he really fucked up when she caught him the second time when she thought he had stopped.

that's when harry actually realized what a useless and sorry excuse for a human being he is. he wants to stop feeling this way.

damn, he would give anything to stop feeling the way he does. everything seems overwhelming to him, even the soft buzz of a bumbling bee carding through the air, so liberated and carefree.

harry decided he was not only useless, but actually insane too when he started wishing he was a bumbling bee. then he actually looked at the pros to it and decided that it wasn't that horrible of an idea. being anything other than harry styles, the recluse, depressed kid with no father and a sluttish mother who would do anything to repress that reputation, including taking her fucked up kid to therapy and making sure she has told all her friends about what a caring mother she is. it's all so pathetic, and it all begins with harry.

*

harry had come to the realization that he needed to stay away from people a long time ago.

and he was following through well enough until louis tomlinson decided to ruin everything.

harry's still not sure whether he should be mad at him or not. the only people harry allowed himself to talk to was dr. perez, under certain circumstances, and, of course, his mother, because that was simply inevitable.

he really can't waste his time trying to make friends, or whatever they called closely aquatained people these days. he of all people should know that people don't stay.

he learned this the hard way at an early age when he was in elementary school and his only friend, martin - he doesn't think he'll ever forget that name, no matter how hard he tries to - were laying on the grass that sprouts so green in the spring time, harry has always known what he wanted, he aways knew who he was, and he was aware that what he felt towards his friend wasn't something friends should be feeling. he had reached down to interlace his short, slim fingers with martin's when his friend had flinched away, quickly stading up on his knees and scoulding harry for what he did.

martin had told all his friends about what harry did, and little harry quickly became the talkof the school- not in a good way.

needless to say, martin and harry never spoke to each other ever again.

that was the first and last time harry ever let his true feelings reflect on his actions again.

keeping every thing bottled up inside through the years has left harry with a blanket of numbness encompassing everything he could ever feel.

-

it took a long time of thinking this over before harry had his mind set on what he needed to do.

harry already knows that he doesn't deserve people like louis.

and louis sure as hell doesn't deserve to put up with harry and his breakdowns which he doesn't exactly realize are happening because all he can seem to keep his mind on is the pain and the rapid beat of his heart.