I'm Sorry, Stefan

A girl sits alone. Surrounding her, is a thin forest, bright with the warmth and growth that summer brings, green light streaming through green leaves on soft grass. She sits on the edge of a large, fast moving stream, the water shimmering and clear. Her red hair falls in curls down her shoulders. She writes carefully on a piece of paper, pausing every few seconds to consider her words then continues to write. The scratching of her pencil seems loud in the empty forest.

The girl looks calm and peaceful at first sight, sitting alone writing. She looks almost serene. But if you look closer, she seems nervous, looking over she shoulders at regular intervals, glancing up at small noises, the bags under her eyes dark and noticeable against her pale skin. Little things.

She carefully lifts her pen, and sets it on the ground next to her.  With shaking fingers, she folds the paper into thirds. Out of her pocket, she draws out an envelope. Slowly, eyes shut tightly; she slips the paper into the envelope.  

She brings it close, holding it against her chest and breathing deeply. She stands, and takes several steps over to an old, worn, twisted tree. Into one of the small knots, she slips the envelope, part of which sticks out, a bright white against the natural colors of the forest. She backs up, looking at it from far away. For the first time since coming to the forest, a smile spreads across her lips. The simple smile seems to change her face, removing the lines of sorrow and worry that looked to be etched there before. It brings a brightness into her green eyes, if only briefly.

And then it fades, leaving behind a blank, weary expression, and dull, sad eyes. Deep sorrow that looks strange on such a young face. Turning, she walks away, without looking back towards the tree. She walks alongside the river, tracing its curvy track.  She follows the current, leaving the light edge of the forest, for thicker, older trees, and it becomes darker. She walks further still, to the point where the river is wider, and the current strong enough to carry away a person. She pauses here, examining the darker, deeper waters. She breathes in, straightening her back, a fierce, mournful determination filling her eyes. She clenches her fists, and closes her eyes.  One name escapes her lips.

“Stefan.” She whispers into the dark forest. But nobody, not even him, is there to hear her.

Then she jumps, into the dark current, into the centre of the rushing river, her splash echoing through the trees. She does not resurface.

The envelope stayed in the tree, tightly wedged into the knothole. On the outside, in the girls neat, careful handwriting was the one name she had whispered.

Stefan. Inside, is a carefully written and planned out letter, each word cautiously considered and written. Each word holding meaning. Nobody knows she put the letter there, in the knothole in the tree. It says,

Stefan-

I’m not quite sure why I’m writing this. I guess it’s to let you know that it wasn’t an accident, but you probably knew that anyways. You know me too well. Or, you knew me too well. Don’t tell my parents, Stefan. It’ll be better if they think it was an accident. I don’t want to hurt them more than necessary. I think you deserve to know the truth though, even though I’ve told you so little. Almost nothing. But there are some things you don’t want to hear. Some things I don’t want you to have to hear.

Some secrets will be buried with me.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry about yesterday. I just had to do that, just the once. I can’t believe you never knew. But I’m sorry, anyways. I’m sorry about this, as well. I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear you’re the only thing that’s kept me going as long as it did, but some point I needed to let go. But I’m sorry if I hurt you. Please know this isn’t your fault. And I’m sorry I hid so much from you. Maybe if I had talked to somebody, this would have worked out but I was so scared, Stefan.

Now I’m rambling. I was never good at talking to people. Or writing. Or much of anything for that matter. I just don’t know how to end this. I wish I didn’t have to stop writing, because that really does mean this over. But I do.

I’m sorry, Stefan.  I hope you never have to know how much.

 

With love, Maya.

 

Best friends forever, right?

 Xoxo

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 sooo.... What do you guys think???

P.S- dedicated to summergirl21 for the amazing cover she made!!! :D

-purplecat :)