Flaws

Chapter 32 - Big Steps Forward

"Sometimes I am terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants." - Edgar Allan Poe

*A few days later*

"May God bless you and keep you in His care until we meet again."

Hazel watched as Anna's parents, crying quietly, placed flowers on their daughter's coffin and quickly left unable to watch her be lowered into the ground. As they disappeared through the crowd, back to the car, Trevor came into view from behind them. The guests thinned out until the two made eye contact and he hurried to make his way to her.

"Hi," he said sadly. "I'm sorry, I know you're probably pissed."

"Thank you," Hazel threw her arms around Trevor and squeezed him tight. "Really, Trev, thank you."

He sniffled as they ended their embrace and nodded, pretending to be as stoic and nonplussed as ever, and the two headed back toward the line of cars. "I'm not saying they wouldn't have gotten you back but I didn't feel comfortable with how they wanted to do it."

"You mean with them trying to trick Pope and save Anna?" She asked, peeking over her sunglasses, as they bumped shoulders.

"Well, yeah," he shrugged. "I never did anything like that before, Hazel, and I feel bad, really bad."

"If you didn't I'd be worried," she assured him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as they approached his car. "You look like shit."

"I feel like shit," she admitted. "I can control it but fuck man, I want to get high. Part of me feels bad for the way I judged my mom, you know, the way I looked at her. I used to ask her why she couldn't stop and now I'm at a funeral thinking about how I could score from one of the junkies here. How fucked is that?"

"At least you didn't," he remarked. "That's a plus."

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "If I want it this bad after barely a week I can't imagine how hard it was for my mom and I get why Anna felt she had to do what she did."

"You'll be fine, girl," he gave her another hug. "Give it time and it'll fade, you'll work through it. It's still fresh."

Nodding, Hazel pointed to his car and gave him a smile. "I walked but I'm not feeling up to it now. Can I get a lift?"

"You want lunch?" He asked sweetly opening the door for her.

"I'm not hungry, but thanks for the offer." Hazel slipped in and once Trevor was in the driver's seat she reached over and stroked his still badly bruised face. "The guys do that?"

"Who else?" He scoffed.

"Tig won't talk to Violet," Hazel mentioned. "Maybe...maybe you could reach out?"

"Could I?" He chuckled ruefully. "Nah, you girls have fun with those fucking monsters." Watching her from the corner of his eye, Trevor could see she had much more on her mind. "That mean you're trying to put some distance between yourself and the old man?"

"Chibs?" She shook her head. "No, we're in a weird place but he's good for me, Tig isn't good for Violet. They're both too emotional, dramatic, impulsive; it's not a good fit."

"The more I think about it, Hazel, the more I realize I don't want someone to babysit."

"Wow," she drew her head back. "Harsh."

"You don't think what she did was harsh?" He asked defensively.

"I'm not here to judge anyone's decisions," she opened the door when he stopped at a red light. "Thanks, I can walk the rest of the way."

"Hazel," he called out but she refused to turn around. "Fine, whatever," he mumbled under his breath before speeding through the intersection.

--

When Hazel returned home she was relieved to see Chibs was gone. Grabbing the joint from her hidden ashtray in the nightstand she took a few drags and stripped naked, throwing herself on the bed to sleep. She slept a lot, a concerning amount of time for Chibs, but she wasn't in the mood or state of mind to care much. While she slept Chibs and Clay battled it out in chapel.

"I'm supposed to just sit here and do nothing?" Chibs roared. "After what he did, Clay? No."

"You are going to start a war," Clay growled. "We will deal with this the safest way possible."

The situation was viewed differently by Clay, Hazel was a girl and she was a problem from the start, not to mention the fact that he felt the entire situation was less club business than Chibs was acting. He wasn't ready to disrupt business and put his guys at risk yet when it could be handled in a more discreet manner.

"She's my old lady," Chibs said shocking Clay with the sudden declaration.

"She is?" Clay narrowed his eyes. "You sure about this, brother? It hasn't been that long and it's been nothing but shit."

"She is," he said firmly.

"Alright," Clay sighed, feeling cornered and without options. "We'll come up with something. Church tomorrow morning, we'll set it all up."

Disgusted by Clay's refusal, despite his change of heart, Chibs nodded and left without a word.

By the time he had gotten home Hazel just slipped into the tub. He smiled at the serene look on her face, happy to see her getting back to herself. Chibs noted sketch book open on the toilet lid and a burning cigarette in an ashtray.

"Never thought I'd see you back to drawing." Hanging his cut over the door he looked at her half finished work. "Who is she?" He asked with intrigue.

"My mom," Hazel answered with her eyes still closed. When she heard his belt her eyes popped open and she shook her head. "I'm not really in the mood," she said apologetically.

Clearly shocked and even hurt, Chibs nodded. "I was just going to sit with you."

"Sorry," she shook her head.

Exhaling a puff of air, he nodded and left the bathroom, pulling his cut back on as he headed toward the front door. Hazel didn't know he was going to Tig's but she wouldn't have been surprised to hear it. Right then it didn't matter; her depression was too deep to allow her to care.

--

"I was hoping we could talk," Violet said timidly.

Tig looked at her, wanting nothing more than to kissed her and taste her lips on his, and shook his head. "Can't," he shrugged. "Sorry."

"You're being a baby," she snapped.

"Knowing you would go to security," he spoke in a low, almost threatening tone. "That you'd go to those lengths knowing it could lead to the cops and shit makes me realize I can't fucking trust you. You did the one thing you're not supposed to do. I can bring you around or get involved with you, it ain't safe."

"Alex," she reached out to grab his hand but he shrugged and shook his head.

"Get outta here," he snapped. "Go."

Hearing Chibs pull up she nodded and slowly backed away from the front door but their eye contact didn't break, not until she turned at the curb and crossed back to her car.

"Trouble?" Chibs chuckled darkly.

"You know it," Tig huffed.

--

Violet, not surprisingly, found her way to Trevor's teary eyed and lost. She knocked on his door softly, almost afraid of his response if he answered, and waited with baited breath. There was no anger on his face when she saw her, sorrow for sure, but no anger.

"Hey," she sniffled. "Can we talk?"

"Of course," he stepped aside to let her in. "What's up?"

Once the door shut, Violet broke into tears and Trevor quickly collected her in his arms. Taking her to the couch he held her as she cried, sure she was scared and feeling more confused than ever, and simply gave her what he knew she needed.