Guide Me Well

9

"Are you going to call him? Or not?" She pointed her index finger at my phone which is beside Mr.Heath's number. Marsha have decided that she will be in my office and leave after I make my call for the 'Marriage'

"We're waiting." Lydia sang. Yes both of them are here and honestly you could never go wrong with these two. And by this weekend Amanda come over, I'm sure these two won't be seeing me on monday next. I mentally slap myself for not telling Amanda as soon as possible

I told Marsha that I will give it a go and whatever happens then... Happens. But now as always, I'm having second thoughts which I wished that didn't exist at all. How I wish I could be strong and confident. I wasn't that excited for this. I thought long and hard, okay that sounds a bit weird.. I have a feeling that this will be..  I don't know. A big disaster?  It just feels right to do this wrong thing.

"I do-" before I could finish, Marsha cut me off.

"If you say "I don't know" again I will call it for you and say that you have been waiting for this all along." She pointed her findex finger to me, looking all mad and stirct.

I sighed to myself. Should I do this whole thing? Should I agree to this? That Jake thing didn't count as much as I want him but I already moved on and for fúck sake.. I didn't  ask for this whole "marriage" thing. And for once I asked myself, why would I be scared for this? Just like Marsha said, make a vow. It's not that hard right?

Make him better like he used to and then just leave. But then my small voice said, what if you're actually in love after your mission is done? Oh god please! This whole thing is ridiculous and the fact that both the girls are eyeing me and waiting when will I start to make the call.

This is getting out of hand. I couldn't really describe what I am feeling right now but I could only tell that I started to make excuses in my mind to make this wait. Make the girls wait.

"You're not making excuses to escape this aren't you?" Lydia woke me up from all those thoughts and excuses thingy. Knowing Lydia, she knew me from the start I worked here. She knew everything about how my anxiety works, obviously my favourite colour, the things that piss me off, especially how I hate to have workers that are having lots of dramas and the list goes on. Yeah, she also knew how I like to make excuses when I didn't want things to go upside down. Like exactly right now because things will surely go upside down after I make the call.

Stupid Cass! Why did you agree to this in the first place?!

"Earth to Cass! Cass! Where you now?! Stop thinking!" Marsha snapped her hands in front of me to wake me up.

"Alright. Alright I'm calling now." Although part of me still full of hesitation. I pressed the numbers down to my phone and hesitated to press the call button.

While the phone rigns from the other side, I was making a little speech in my head and mumbled a couple of words. When the rings stopped, the words were stucked and I couldn't voice it out like all the words are too expensive to say it.

"Hello?" The familiar voice said. I can't do this. I can't. With that, I ended the call without saying anything. My breath was faster than normal and my hands are full with cold sweats. Probably I'm sweating because suddenly the room is like summer which I untie my scarf harshly and threw it on the ground.

Why are you so stupid Cass?! You could've just say no to Marsha and this wouldn't happen.

I immediately rushed out of the room to have some fresh air. Once I was out of the building, I ran to the nearest bench I know and let the wind tickle my now exposed neck. I didn't care about that now. All I care was about how stupid and how I was about to sold myself out to the stranger.