spicks & specks

i. reminders

that mark, right above my right hip.
you gave that to me,
dragged me
across that threadbare carpet...

the smell of cinnamon,
it was always your favorite...

summertime.
wild and free -
everything i wanted
and everything you promised.

football games.
in the cool of autumn
you kept me close
warmed the edges of my heart...
and the game didn't mean a damn thing -
just watched eachother's eyes;
two flickering flames

late night phone calls.
just hearing your voice made it okay when i was far away...

you reminded me that color is overrated.
i learned to sink
into the shades of gray,
comforted by the black of your
energy.

and every time
i sing along to my favorite song,
i now wait for you to shush me.
i wait for you to tell me that
the whole point of music
is to drown in it -
and oh,
how i gasped
for that sweet
oxygen...

the smell of roses.
how you knew how much i hated being spoiled -
but you made me
rotten to the core..

it always seem to haunt me. shape me, mold me, taunt me.
memories of you, now a stranger, keep me holding on.

the pain of all these little whispers, the tiny things, the love i cherished most...

gone
into
the
wind.

xXx