No Regretting Us (ManXMan// lgbt)// #Wattys2016

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Gage

Gage knew it was too good to be true. His body shuddered violently when he exited his car, stumbling a bit on his way out.

This pain.. This pain was much worse than the loss of his father because added to this pain was shame and mortification. Gage felt filthy. He felt ill. Sick enough to throw up.

"Stop! Stop!" Gage begged clutching at his stomach. They attacked his mind, his heart, his body. The feeling of Lexus' hands on his naked flesh. Of Lexus' body joined with his. Lexus' hips thrusting against him. Their sweat slicked skin sliding against each other's.

"Please stop!" he screamed just as he spilled his guts onto the ground at his feet. His stomach twisting and turning, sobs climbing his throat, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Gage felt like his heart would stop completely with the force it was banging against his chest. He wished he could rip the thing out and toss it away. It just hurt and hurt and hurt.

He couldn't stop the tears or the pain. He couldn't breathe. I made love with my brother! Was all that his brain screamed at him. He clawed at his shirt bursting the buttons, scraping his chest with his nails; the stinging of his skin breaking under his assault didn't distract his thoughts.

How will he face Lexus again?

His mother?

Himself?

Gage felt like he would die as he buried his face in his hands and screamed and screamed.

He felt a connection to Lexus unlike any he's felt in his life. Was it brotherly affection? He would have known if it was a familial bond. It wasn't. Gage wanted Lexus like a lover.

He wanted all that they did in that hotel room, on that bed. Wasn't he supposed to know? He was supposed to know that he was letting his brother love his body. Touch him and kiss him like that. Fuck him like that.

And the other sick thing.. Even more sick than the knowledge that he slept with his brother, his own flesh and blood, was that he couldn't regret it.

Maybe that was what made him feel so dirty, so disgusted with himself. He couldn't rebuke the night and morning he spent with Lexus. In his heart he didn't hate it. He didn't wish it never happened. He couldn't because it was too beautiful.

He felt too much... Things he's never felt with another. He felt alive and free. Beautiful and desired. Needed.

How can he go about his day thinking of Lexus as his brother now and not as his lover?

How can he pretend he didn't fall in love with his brother last night?

Oh god daddy! Forgive me I didn't know!

I didn't know! I couldn't have!

But now that he does it didn't change the way he saw Lexus. His body would always crave Lexus'.

He couldn't see Lexus as his brother no matter how hard he tried. He never would. Never.

But he had to. For his mother's sake: for his own sake. He couldn't carry on a relationship like that with Lexus. It was incest in all its glory. He wouldn't shame his father like that. He wouldn't.

It didn't matter how hard his heart protested against the thought of not having Lexus as his own.

It didn't matter that his very soul ached at the thought of not being able to hold, to kiss, to love the man like he should, like he does.