Last Time ¥ Interracial/BWWM JB

4 ∞ Recovery

January 19, 2017
9:57 AM

Justin and I sat in the lobby waiting to see my therapist, Dr. Paige. She has had a huge influence on my life changes during the past year and a half. I was so ready to get me and Justin's relationship on track and I couldn't think of anyone better to help us than Dr. Paige.

I noticed Justin's leg bouncing rapidly. "Are you nervous?" I placed my hand on his knee.

"A little," he looked at me, his lips slightly hanging down.

"You shouldn't be. This is supposed to help us," I smiled at how cute he was being.

"What if we learn things about each other?" he asked quietly and I furrowed my eyebrows.

Before I could ask what kind of things he was referring to, the door next to us opened.

"Audri," Dr. Paige held the door to her office open and invited us in by motioning her hand. "You must be Justin," she greeted as we took a seat in the chairs across from hers.

"I am," Justin smiled nervously. I don't think I've ever seen him so nervous before, except for when we found out I was pregnant.

"Audri tells me that you two are engaged?" Dr. Paige asked him rhetorically.

He looked to his left; our eyes meeting briefly then nodded his head.

"I want you both to tell me three goals for the future of your relationship."

I looked at Justin's hand that rested on the armrest. I placed mine on top of his, trying to get him to loosen up. I know it was a different setting for him, especially to have someone who he didn't know to be weighing in his life in a way. When I first came to Dr. Paige, I was a nervous wreck.  I learned to trust her and I hoped Justin would too.

"I think we should work on respect, trust and communication," I stated, which earned a questioning glance from Justin.

"Justin, how do feel about Audri's response?"

"For the most part, I agree," he shrugged.

I squeezed his hand in mine, making him look at me. "But?" I prompted because I wanted him to be completely honest so we could put everything out in the open, which is something we had trouble doing.

"I don't understand why she feels we need to work on respect. I respect you, don't you respect me?" he raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

"I do respect you, but I don't always feel it's reciprocated," I paused and looked up at Dr. Paige for permission to continue.

"Go ahead, Audri."

"I know that you love me, I've never doubted that. It just really makes me feel shitty when you question if I love you back."

He rubbed his thumb over mine, "I know you love me."

"You say that with your words, but the look in your eyes says something totally different," I shrugged and averted my eyes back to Dr. Paige.

"Justin, would you like to address Audri's concerns?"

"Sure, I uh- I have to admit that I used to think that you felt like you'd ruined your life by being with me. From the beginning you were distant and things never really got better from there, so I am skeptical sometimes because you're so indecisive."

"Do you mind giving me your version of how your relationship started?" Dr. Paige briefly glanced down at her notes.

Justin shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. "I guess I kind of tracked her down," he let out a short chuckle. "Not in a creepy way. She was-is just really beautiful." Dr. Paige smiled, encouraging him to continue with the story. "She was avoiding me at all costs. When she finally came around, I was really intrigued by her candor and free spirit. After we got together, she was never that same person."