A Poisonous Soul. (editing)

Chapter 5 (complete)

Copyright c 2011.

   

Chapter Five

I get a phone call from James in the morning. He asks how I am and I tell him I am fine. Then I am awkward and he is silent. He hangs up without a goodbye. I honestly can’t tell if I am relieved or pissed. I start my two-week vacation from work by going to the beach in the morning. I don’t think I have ever done that and it feels like only something a vacationer would do. I can’t stop my brain from replaying the events of last night. We fit together perfectly. Our mouths and our bodies. I try to consider last night to be a nightmare-induced mistake but my mind fights me. The second day of doing nothing takes its toll. I now feel as though something is missing. I refuse to admit to myself who that is.

My body continues to have the occasional out-of-place sensations. Out of nowhere I feel overcome with things like random hate or anger. Not as though I feel anger, but as though someone else is feeling it. It sounds crazy, I know. It only happens every once in a while and never in a pattern. My life seems incomplete to me. I don't know what to think about it. Since none of my friends are even aware of what has happened to me these last few days I feel even more alone. I have no one to talk to. My emotions are starting to clog together and I can feel myself losing it. I usually try to keep this happy, carefree facade on the outside as a defense mechanism. I learned that at an early age to hide my true feelings from my parents because I didn't want to worry them. That morphed into seeming angry all the time in high school to keep the boys and the 'fake friend' girls away. Now? I can’t tell what is real and what isn’t. Jenna keeps texting, asking to hang out. All I can say is I’m sick.

Other than the girls from work I don't have any friends. I don't believe in saying things I don't mean. I don’t believe in doing things I don't want to. Especially so people will like you. They either accept me or they can piss off.  Hence, me having no friends. The time I do spend with the girls from work is limited. I also don't date very often for the same reasons. Most men don't like hearing, “Look, don't come sniffing around me trying to get some. I don't plan on giving you any.” Yeah, that usually has guys running quickly in the other direction. Which is the point, I guess.

With James, I pegged him as 'the typical player'. A guy who knows he's hot and expects to be treated like royalty. Men like that can suck it! I may not be perfect but I am worthy of respect. I don’t want to be with a man unless he understands that. I am definitely not high maintenance but respect is a must. My brain keeps picturing James these last two days. Yes, there is something going on that he won't tell me about. And yes, he looks way out of my league. He also acts like all the other gorgeous men except when we are alone. I feel so strongly for him already and we just met. I am not an idiot, I don't believe in soul mates. Or destiny for that matter, but I do believe in karma. I honestly don’t know how to feel about him. I know there is something strange between him and I. I am not backing off until I discover what it is. If I ever see him again.

On the third evening of my vacation I see Steve Dossen at the grocery store. He is by himself and he looks pretty happy. "Steve!" I yell, jogging over to him. He looks up from a box of Count Chocula. "Sydney? Wow, how have you been?" He leans in and gives me a hug. I smile, "Great," I answer. "I’m on vacation. How's your arm? I see the bandages are finally off." He holds his arm out for me. "Yeah, the doctor said it's going to scar and I might be anemic for a bit so I need iron pills." He shows me his little shopping basket, complete with the necessary over the counter iron tablets. "Well, you are a lucky guy. And you were my favorite patient that week, always so nice." He smiles back at me. "I was lucky to have you. You say you are on vacation? Why do you look like you haven’t gotten any sleep?" He looks mildly concerned, which is so sweet. It’s nice to be worried about. "Oh!" I blush. "I was kind of sick, but James was there for me" I blurt out. Why did I just say that?! Man, I stuck my foot right in my mouth. I always hated the fair skin and freckles that came with my red hair. I was hoping the freckles could be somewhat useful and hide my blush, but judging by his smirk...I guess not.