Taboo

Toxic Butterflies

He kept coming closer. I could feel his warm breath. I closed my eyes..

I can't do it
I took a step back.
"I knew it." He said disappointed.

He sat down on the bench.
I sat next to him.
"I'm sorry." I said.
He was quiet.
"I know what I feel and as much as I hate it, I have to accept it but I just don't think I'm ready to take this step." I signed.
He grabbed my hand.
"We'll figure this out." He said.

We'll figure this out. I like that.

Mike was playing with my hair.
None of us said a word.
Sometimes you don't need words to express your feelings. Sometimes you just look in someone's eyes and that says enough.

I looked in his beautiful hazel eyes and I felt something weird in my stomach.
Is this what they call butterflies?

I came closer to him and he stopped playing with my hair. He looked at me with so much love.
Our eyes closed
and our lips touched.

I hear thunder. Is God mad at me? Is this wrong?
But how can something wrong, feel so right?

At this point I didn't care about anything anymore. This feeling, it felt so good.

All those years of feeling locked up in my mind, hearing negative voices in my head,
I finally felt free for the first time.

He pulled away when it started raining really hard.
"We have to go before this thunder hits us." He said laughing.
He took my hand and we ran till we got at the fence. We climbed up and then jumped.

"We don't have a car!" I yelled.
"We have to run!" He yelled back
We laughed the whole time while we were running.
"I told you we should've gone with the car!"
"But this is more fun, don't you think?" He said smirking.

I was distracted by a bird and before I knew it I slipped and fell really hard on the ground.
"Stupid fucking bird." I said to myself.

Mike came up to me laughing his ass off and he sat on the ground next to me.
I started laughing too, even though my back was hurting.

He helped me get up and we decided to walk and not run.
We got to the pizza hut where I parked my car and we jumped in my car.

We were soaking wet.
I looked at Mike and he was smiling like an idiot.
"What are you smiling about, stupid?" I asked.
"You." He said.
"Me? What about me?"
"YOU FELL!" He was laughing and I started laughing too.
"HOW?!"
"I got distracted man."
"Distracted by what?"
"A bird." I said quietly.
"A BIRD? OH MY GOD I CANT BREATHE!"
I hit his arm and then he stopped laughing.

"You're the best Bruno." He said wiping a tear.
"I know I am." I said like a bitch and then pulled away from the parking lot.

He told me where he lived and I took him to his apartment.
"Today was amazing Bruno." He said.
"You made it amazing." I said looking at him.
He looked away and I saw him blushing.
We hugged and then he got out.

The whole way home I couldn't stop thinking about him. I smiled to myself thinking about the crazy shit we did today.

Today was perfect.

I arrived at my house and parked my car and went to the door. When I opened the door Geronimo came up to me barking.
"Calm down G. What's up?" He pulled me to the kitchen and I saw someone I hoped I'd never see again.

Jessica..

Her leg was bleeding, she held a towel on it.
"What happened?" I aksed worried.
"You're stupid dog bit me!" She said crying.
Geronimo was growling.
I held the towel and cleaned up her leg.

I looked up at her and she smiled.
"I knew you still cared about me." She said and played with my hair.

Why is everyone playing with my hair?

I got up to go to the bathroom to get some bandages for Jessica.
I looked in the drawers for bandages. I found them but just as I was heading to the kitchen, I looked in the mirror.

I couldn't recognize myself
Is this me?
I look.. Like a mess.
Where is that always happy and funky Bruno Mars?
I have bags under my eyes, my afro grew really big and my smile was gone.
Who am I?

I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen.
Jessica was on her phone looking at something.
When she saw me she smiled and put her phone away.
I carried her to the living room and sat her on the couch. I start wrapping her leg where Geronimo bit her and after 5 minutes I was done.

I sat next to her and signed.
"Why are you so quiet?" She asked.
"Just a lot on my mind right now."
"What are you thinking about?" She asked getting closer.

I was thinking about Mike. It made me smile.
"Why are you smiling?" Now she was really curious.
"Eh.. Just stuff." I said.

She layed her head on my shoulder and she rubbed my arm.
"What are you doing here Jessica?"
"I missed you baby." She kissed my neck.
I kinda missed her too. But I wasn't going to say that to her.

"Is it okay if I stay here tonight?" She asked.
"N-no. I have to go to the studio early tomorrow" I lied.
"Oh okay." She said disappointed.

It was midnight and Jessica went home. Geronimo was sleeping on the couch and I went upstairs to go to bed too.

I brushed my teeth and took of my clothes.
I tried to sleep but I couldn't.
The voices are back.
They told me negative shit.
Shit I haven't heard in a long time.
"I knew you couldn't say no to her."
"What about Mike, huh?"
"What are you doing with your life?"

"I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I'm just a fuck up."
They start laughing.

I grabbed my pillow and pushed it on my head to hope the voices will go away but it didn't.
I got up and grabbed my cigarettes.
I sat on the ground and leaned back on the wall.

Why me?
I had tears in my eyes.

Is this ever gonna end?
Am I gonna be like this forever?

Maybe I should end it. End it all.

Not sure if I like this chapter :/ please comment and give me feedback
X kam