Pens of Fate

A beautiful month for a Beautiful Girl

It's funny, my developing cooking skills reached an acceptable level just in time for the month of eating--I mean, fasting. As Inaya would say, "same difference". It really depends on what you expect to get out of Ramadan, a full stomach or a flowing heart. I'd like to have both, but a full stomach makes me too sleepy to worship much. Looks like I am going to have to cut back on my nighttime snacking this time if I really want to get anywhere.

Anyway, this is the time for every Beautiful Girl to polish herself so that she can shine. I'd really like my "Ramadan boost" to last after the month is over, this time. That would be very cool, not to mention convenient. It would make me a better Muslim all year round. However, it would be a bit unrealistic to expect the specialness of Ramadan to stay for the other eleven months. I'll just have to work harder on myself. If I get a good head start this Ramadan, I suppose I will get along fine for the rest of the year.

That reminds me, I have to start a new diary. A Ramadan diary. Completely made by me, for me. I'm going to plan things in the Ramadan diary, and write all the Ramdan things. So that means, Beautiful Girl, you're going to have to be patient with me, because I am not going to be addressing you directly anymore. I am going to be writing in my Ramadan diary now. So, it's a farewell, until we meet again. Hint: you can always check out my Ramadan diary if you're curious. It's on the second shelf in the bookcase, next to the bookmarks collection.

(I love leaving notes in my diary for snoopers. But not you, BG--can I call you BG, Beautiful Girl? Alright. I should have started calling you that before. Anyway. Let's meet in the Ramadan diary now.)

***

Ramadan Diary--prep day 1

I'm that kind of person who makes a countdown to the day of my exams a month or so before the first paper. Then I like to cross out the days, one at a time. Sometimes I forget. Then I get to cross out weeks at a time. Oh, and who can forget the Datesheet Tearing Ceremony. Some of us do it on campus, others do it in the privacy of our own rooms at home. But all of us end up stuffing our datesheets gladly into the dustbins after the exams are over.

This year, I have no exams so far. Gap year before college. So, Ramadan is the only thing I am going to count down to.

I am so very unprepared for Ramadan this time. Last year, I was in full form. It was fun, with Inaya's spiritual awakening and me giving her a boost. This time, I feel empty inside. It's like a deep ache that never goes away. I know the only way to fill it up is with remembrance of Allah. But I need to get into shape, spiritually, first. Sometimes I wonder what Allah is thinking of me right now. I wonder if He's angry with me, or pleased. Then I think that I just need to get back on track and then I won't need to ask this question.

I want to keep writing in Ramadan. I'll keep telling you what Inaya and Jasir are up to, as well as our dear parents. And of course, I want to write some reflections in between. Just like before. At the end of the day, a day of Ramadan has the same 24 hours, but the difference is that it is filled with mercy and blessings.