It's not an S // Superman

Chapter 3

"Oh so you came home then?" I moaned when my Dad stepped through the front door one Saturday afternoon. The first time I'd seen him in 10 days. Work had never kept him away for this long.

"Lauren just give me a break. I work every hour god sends and my job is my duty," my silver haired father in his 50's said in frustration and with an exhausted air. He knew what to expect from me when he came home. I was outspoken, I was blunt. Unlike his calm, strict demeanour I took after my Mom, confident, sarcastic and not afraid to speak my mind even if he was my Dad. Even if he was a General.

"Give you a break? Dad we've been here for nearly 3 months and I've barely spent a day with you. I move around like this so we can be together. You might as well have put me in a boarding school," I replied with anger, a tinge of sadness at the end of each sentence.

"Come on. Don't say that sweetie. I swear I won't be away as long this time," he tried to reassure.

"Dad how many times have you promised me this stuff? And how many times have you broken those promises? I'm having a tough time believing you anymore," I started to tear.

"Sweetie, please."

"No don't sweetie me Daddy. When Mom died, what was it 5 years ago now? I was devastated but I knew I'd be ok because I still had you. Lately I feel like I've lost my Dad as well."

"Lauren I don't know what to say. I didn't know you felt this strongly," he said in shock, surprised that these thoughts actually ran through my head.

"Yeah and why don't you know what to say? Why didn't you know I felt this way? It's because you're never here. You don't know me Dad. Not as a person. It's like since I've started getting older I've been seeing less and less of you. Why Dad?" I burst. Tears I'd been holding in for years finally coming to the surface.

Why I'd chosen to voice all of this now as he walked through the door I don't know. What I did know however was that I couldn't keep it to myself a second longer. I'd been thinking about it all week and the second I saw him it just came pouring out.

I know what it is that set all of this off in my head. It was Clark. He'd leant me some of his class notes because I was so new at school and I'd missed some material earlier in the semester. I'd had it over the weekend and after I'd copied it all I decided to return them to him.

As I pulled up at the Kent farm I saw an older woman who I assumed was his Mom pruning geraniums on the front porch. Then Clark came walking out from a huge barn at the side of the house, his Dad walking alongside. Both had huge smiles on their faces, both had their arms around each other like a child and their parent should. That's when it hit me. I didn't have that. I didn't have that special bond with my Dad like Clark did with his. I'd found out through word of mouth at school that Clark was adopted when he was just a baby by the Kent's, but you'd never have known it looking at them. I learnt that day, that moment that anyone can be a father. It takes someone special to be a Dad. Jonathan Kent was the Dad. General Greg Lake was the father.

The conversation ended with Dad saying the reason he'd started spending more time at work as I grew up was because as I got older I looked more and more like my Mom and it was difficult for him to be around me. How was I supposed to react to that? Everyone had always said that I was a carbon copy of her and it always made me happy, knowing that I carried that element of her with me. Every time I would look in the mirror, especially recently it would make me shiver because I looked so much like her. It was like she was staring back at me. But now with Dad's revelation I felt nothing but guilt. I felt guilty for the way I looked, for the way I acted. He'd lost the love of his life and he threw himself into work to distract himself from the pain. All I'd done was shout at him, moan and cry and scream because I wasn't getting everything my own way. I had to make him see that the fact I looked like Mom was a good thing not a bad thing. We may have to live without the ones we love, the ones that love us but that doesn't mean we don't keep them with us every day. They determine the choices we make, the way we grow, whether we become good or bad. Whether we become the best we can possibly be.