Diary Of A Suicidal Angel |Destiel|

Chapter four: Second Chance

Two months and two weeks after moving into the bunker
Dear Diary,

Sam was able to fix Dean, but a major side effect was partial amnesia. Dean forgot about my confession, most of our encounters and worsening depression. Hell, my depression in general. I don't know of I'll ever tell him again. My depression worsened because I somehow lost my grace again and became even more vulnerable.

Every now and then, I still think about the kiss we shared. It was very nice. Who am I kidding, I think about it always.

I miss Dean.

Maybe I could take him out to that diner he wanted to try.

Setting the journal on the bed, I check the time.

11:05

I make my way to Dean's room, then knock on the closed door.
"Come in." I hear Dean say.
I open the door and peek my head through. Dean is laying on his bed
"I was thinking that maybe you and I could go out for brunch at the diner we didn't get a chance to go to. The one you wanted to try." Crap, Sam's here too.
"Sam could come too, if he wanted." I added quickly and mentally let out a breath of relief.
Dean smiled.
"I'd love to. Sam's on a case right now, so it'll be just you and me."
I nod.
"Sounds great."

He said he would!
Do I consider this a date? No! No no no no. I highly doubt he actually feels the same. Demons lie. Demon Dean basically said that he (Demon Dean) was toying with my emotions.
What am I doing to myself? Tell him. Get it over with already. The only thing that can go wrong is Dean rejects me and I'm left heart broken.

We arrive at Dan's Famous Cheeseburgers in less than ten minutes. Considering the fact that I rode shotgun, I got the seat belt that stuck in its buckle. When we stopped and I managed to unhook it a minute later, I noticed Dean wasn't in the driver's seat.
I turn to open the door, but it opens before I completed the turn.
When I realized what was going on, I smile.

Dean opened the door for me.

To be honest, this was the first time he's ever done that.
"Malady." Dean grinned.
"Ooh, what a gentleman." I get out of the car and walk towards the entrance with Dean. The smile still on my face. He has changed me for the better. I mean, I'm still the same Cas he didn't want me changing, but he's rubbed off on me I guess.

Inside, we ordered our food. As always, the young waitress flirted with Dean. He just shook it off as if it were nothing. That's actually quite an odd thing for Dean Winchester to do.
Once our food is brought to us and we've eaten, I bring up the topic I dread bringing up.
"Dean, while you were a Knight of Hell, something happened between us. Well I know you don't remember what I told you, but can I tell you again? I don't want to keep it from you." I found myself saying without knowing.
Dean looked at me with confusion written all over his face.
"Go ahead, Cas."
I swallowed. Here goes.
"Dean, I have strong feelings for you." I look away, trying to fight back the tears.

He's going to hate me forever.
Why did I even decide to tell him again?
He'll never love me.
He deserves better.

"I know."