Relapse - A One Direction Fanfiction

Chapter 5

TRIGGER WARNING

He could taste him, he could feel him on his lips. He never wanted him to leave, but Harry awoke that morning with nothing but a memory of the kiss they shared last night. The feeling of Zayn's stubble scratching his cheek, the chills his cradling touch caused him. In that moment Harry felt happiness, something he hadn't really felt in a long time. But like everything else, Harry's moment of happiness lasted no longer than 6 simple seconds.

"Harry it's 2 PM time to wake up!" Harry's train of thought wrecked at the sound of Liam calling to him from behind his bedroom door. Harry didn't want to move, or call back to him. He just wanted to lay and waste his life away, letting all of his energy seep into the sheets.

"I'm awake." Harry groaned into the plush fabric, muffling his already deep voice. He could hear the door click open and the floor boards creak under pressure.

"Everything alright?" Liam stepped into Harry's room, noticing the boy face down in his pillows. Harry didn't move. "Well I made breakfast this morning, got some downstairs if you'd like." Again no response from Harry. With that, Liam left the room, leaving the door open behind him

Harry was definitely hungry, but he didn't want to eat. He thought he wanted to starve himself to death, being completely literal. But he couldn't take it. Harry liked food and he slowly got out of bed, the mattress springs screaming beneath him in protest, as weight was shifted. He walked out of the room into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

His attention was immediately drawn to the drawer. He couldn't help it. Not after last night. He needed to. He made a dash to the wooden drawer and pulled it out to find two razor blades lazily tossed inside.

"Harry what's wrong with you." He seemed to growl at himself as he ran the blade across his skin. Creating several parallel lines down his wrists, watching his own blood surface. "You're not a faggot." He made a few more lines. "Quit thinking like one." Yet again he made more cuts.

"I really have to pee!" Harry heard a voice and pounding on the bathroom door. Startled, he jumped and realized he hadn't locked the door as it started to push open. He quickly threw himself into it, trying to hold it shut.

"Can't you see I'm in here!" Harry shouted, partly because he was angry at the intruder, and partly because he had rubbed his freshly made cuts up against the door, creating unwanted friction, staining the white.

"Well the door wasn't-" Louis started but was stopped.

"It wasn't locked because I didn't think a freak like you would try to come in!" Harry screamed at Louis through the door, somehow his words came through and hit the oldest boy straight in the heart. Louis didn't understand why Harry was so angry.

"Harry I'm sorry-" Louis was cut off once again.

"FUCKING SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO AWAY!" Harry beat the door with his fists, yelling at the top of his lungs. The thumps making Louis jump back. Louis looked at the door, his eyes wide. For the first time in his entire life, he was afraid, afraid of someone he cared so much about. He turned around and walked downstairs, tears trailing down his cheeks.

Harry started to bawl, stepping back from the door to see two splintered dents in the painted wood, created by his fists, and crimson imprints due to his open wounds. He let out a series of deep cries, tugging hard at his hair and slamming his head into the door.

"H-Harry," he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked wrecked. His eyes were bloodshot and a deep red, sweat formed just above his upper lip. "Something is wrong with you." He whispered to himself, the words coming out strangled by tears, as if his comment were drowning. He stared down at his arms. For once he wasn't disgusted, he found it almost beautiful.