Frerard Oneshots. Literate.

Vampire Catcher.

Not gonna lie, this first one is based off a Frerard fan art that I drew. I'll put it at the end, okay.

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This was getting so boring. Fuck. I looked around my tree house, flicking at some dirt on my ripped skinny jeans. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was almost three in the morning.

I didn't think vampire catching would be this hard!

I know, I know. I'm not exactly a professional, but many people caught the vampires that lived outside. I mean, they killed them like psychopaths, which I thought was fucking terrible and wrong, but whatever. Pete didn't think that there were any left in New Jersey, but I'll fucking show him.

So I here I was, sitting in my tree house. I had school tomorrow, and I'm sitting in a tree house waiting for a rope to snag a vampy from the middle of the woods.

I know I've never caught one before. It was a rather rare occurrence, really. Vamps were getting scarcer and scarcer over the years, and it pissed me off. Vampires are so cool. Like why would you kill them? It's not like they're bloodthirsty killing machines with super speed and strength.

Oh wait.

Just as I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself, I heard a scream from many feet away. Hell fucking yes!!

I don't even care if it wasn't a vampire. If I caught anything, it's still be hilarious.

I jumped out of my treehouse, landing on my feet. I was an expert at jumping off big heights. I'm a punk. Punks don't give a shit.

I ran all the way to where I had the trap set. I mean, I had a few set, but they were all in the same sort of area.

Nervousness welled up in my stomach as I went through the dark woods, turning my flashlight on. I mean, these things were human eaters. They had fangs. That's terrifying! What if this one tried to attack me? What if it DID attack me?

I swallowed my spit, twigs snapping under my beat up converse. No. I'm not scared. Fuck that.

I saw that many of my traps had failed, the rope still hanging on the ground. I was careful not to step on it.

I hauled myself over a dead tree, tripping a little. When I looked back up and shined my flashlight, I was met with something terrifying yet exciting.

"OW! What the fuck, turn that shit off," the person hanging upside down from the tree hissed.

I totally didn't scream and drop the flashlight.

"Shut the fuck up," the voice hissed as I shakily grabbed for the metal light again. "You humans are so fucking annoying. Always scared of vampires like big babies," he grumbled.

I stood, frozen in shock as I pointed the light to see the creature. He had the famously cadaverous white skin, and the black hair, too. He put his hands over his eyes, hissing again. "Cut that out? Would you just kill me already, or would you please let me down so I can go home?"

Nervous still, I tried to speak. God, this was so intense!! "I-I'm not gonna kill you," I stuttered out. Classy.

"Good. Now get me the fuck down."

I nodded, propping the flashlight so I could see, much to the vampire's discontent.  As he grumbled about how stupid me and other humans were, I used my pocket knife to saw at the thick rope that bound him to the tree limb. I didn't even know that it would work. Holy fuck, this was actually happening.

The vampire landed with an oomph. "Fuck, thanks. I'll be on my way now," he said coolly, starting to stride away.

"No wait!" I swallowed hard. "Please don't go. I've always wanted to see a real vampire."