Slowly Breaking (Logan Henderson Fanfic)

Hold on for Dear Love

   I tried to push my way through everyone. When I got close enough to see Vic, I wished I hadn't. I can't even describe what I saw. I wouldn't want to, either.

   One of the nurses tried to restrain me. I couldn't help but see what was all over her shirt, though. Across her sea green scrubs was a streak of blood. Victoria's blood. It only made me fight harder. "Vic!" I yelled, clawing onto the plastic chair to keep from being dragged out of he room.

   The doctors started frantically whispering things to each other. They were cool, calm, and collected, but the tone and harshness of their mumbling and the way one of their hands was shaking proved not. I picked up snippets of their conversation. "Code blue. . . dropping fast. . ." That's all I needed to know. 

   I stopped fighting the nurses. I stopped kicking and yelling. I went still. I went numb. They "escorted" me from the room and set me down in the waiting area. It was the same seat from before. Next to the little girl.

   "How is she?" she asks with expectant eyes.

   "I wish I knew," I tell her honestly.

   I got up and went outside, the cool air making my exposed arm tingle. On my way out, I kick a table. Games, magazines, and papers were sent airborne. I see the little girl jump in fear. I don't care. I continued outside, kicking plants, shrubs, and anything that got in my way. It didn't help my anger at all.

   Soon the guys show up. Kendall came first. He ran over to where I was sitting, preparing for anything, I presume.

   "What happened?" Kendall asks. I don't know whether to scream or break down and cry.

   I just shake my head. If I don't say what happened out loud maybe it'll stop it from being real. He just looks at me for a minute, waiting for an explanation. Finally, I tell him.

   Carlos and James arrive as I was in the middle of explaining. They convinced me to go back in, despite all my protesting. They devised a system where one person was at my side the whole time, they must be afraid I'll lose it again.

   Kendall came back with two coffees. I refused mine. "You have to drink something." I shake my head again.

   He took it back and sat down next to me. "I found her," Kendall whispers.

   I just look at him, no sign of any emotion on my face. "They switched the room, but no one's with her. I'll show her." I followed him down the hall, and up a floor.

   He stops at a room labeled room 15B. It wasn't the ICU, which made me feel a little relieved, but it had more machines than any other room. 

   He nods at me, signaling me to go in. I slowly open the door, looking around the hall guiltily first. I secretly hoped an alarm would go off to stop me from entering. No alarm.

   I proceed in, expecting the worst. I'm suddenly glad I refused the coffee. If I didn't, I'd be afraid it would make a second appearance. The sight was utterly sickening. Wires and tubes were connected everywhere. It's hard to believe there was a body under the mass of plastic keeping her alive.

   I cautiously walk over to the bed. I stroke her tangled hair softly, wary of the cannula in her nose. "Baby, will you wake up?" I whisper-plead to her.

   After a few more minutes of stroking her hair, her eyes flutter and slowly open. I sit up in the chair. "Log... an?"

   "Hey," I whisper, smiling. A blur in the corner of my eye snags my attention.

   I turn, and see Kendall madly waving his arms. He points down the hall, then motions for me to get out. Oh, crap, I think, a doctor's coming!

   "I'm not supposed to be here. But I promise I'll come back soon, when I can," I assure her. She nods slowly, it slowly registers in her mind.

  I run to the door and give her one last look before I slip out just as the doctor approaches. I'm not sure of he saw me.

   "Ahh, Mr. Henderson," he says, holding his clipboard loosely at his side. "You aren't authorized to be in there."

   I thought he was going to tell me about Vic' condition, but he doesn't, strangely. "You can visit again tomorrow, from the other side next time. We'll call you if anything changes," he says with a smile as he enters the room.

   I fight the urge to let out a crazy laugh. I want to punch him, but I restrain myself. If anything happens? Sure. I taste the bile in my mouth as I grit my teeth and try to prevent myself from screaming.

   "You mean you'll call me if she dies?" I whisper, but he can't hear me.