Slowly Breaking (Logan Henderson Fanfic)

Aftershock

   Eventually, the doctor comes in. I can see the guys solemnly waiting at the door. He comes over to us and unhooks the wires and electrodes from Victoria. When he finishes with that task, he turns to me, gives me a sympathetic smile, and pulls the sheet over her head slowly.

   I start crying immediately. Not the silent, dramatic movie crying. The sobbing, sniffling, sputtering, vehement, demented, blotchy-eyed crying. And I can't stop it. 

   Then it dawns on me; she's really gone. My life will never be the same. I'm broken, shattered, and I have no idea how (if I could ever) put the pieces together, because Vic was one of them. Once again, I'm numb. I don't know whether to cry even more, punch something/someone or just go berserk and do all of the above.

   I'm still sitting on the ground by Vic's bed. The doctor tries to get me up, but I stay, refusing to move. I pull my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around them.

   I think the doctor is getting ready to call security on us or something, because I feel one of the guys take one of my arms, one with the other, and drag me to a standing position. Someone's hand is on my bag, I'm sure it's Kendall.

   I yank their arms away from me, and straighten my shirt. I follow them out, not wanting to cause any more trouble, even though inside, I do, I do.

  I stay silent until we reach Kendall's car, staring at the ground. My eyes have a glassy film over them, and the corners of my vision are blurred. Carlos and James give me quick hugs, promise to see me later, and we go our seperate ways.

   I reach for the door handle and pull. It's locked. "My door's locked," I tell Kendall.

  "I know, so is mine," he says cautiously, trying to be gentle with me, but it ends up being slightly sarcastic. "Give me a minute to find the keys."

   I drum my fingers on the roof to a sad, slow song in my head as I wait. After a minute, Kendall finds me. Instead of unlocking it, the alarm goes off.

   "Will you fix this?" I ask Kendall. 

   I can't stop the tears now, any little small thing can set me off, and it has. It's a slight problem, but in my mind, everything is falling apart.

  "I'm trying," Kendall assures me. I follow Kendall's gaze to the road. A few black vans are coming our way-the paparazzi.

   I bang my head against the car roof. "Damn it," I mutter. "Fix the alarm already!" I snap.

   "I'm still trying," he says, fiddling with the buttons on the key. "I know you've had a bad day, we all have."

   I turn to him. "A bad day?" I ask, my voice getting louder as I go on. "The girl I love just died, and you think I've had a bad day?!" I explode. "I've had bad days because I had the flu and couldn't perform, this is beyond bad. This is the beginning of a living hell. My other half has been taken away from me! Screw you for saying that! Don't you ever think you could understand this!"

   By now, the paps have pulled up, a crowd surrounding our scene, watching with greedy, excited eyes and big lenses. I ignore the flashes and mics being shoved in my face and continue.

    I look at him. His eyes are rimmed red and puffy from crying, too. He's still fiddling with the key. I don't mean to hit him, I didn't think about it. It didn't register in my brain, but I'm already charging at him. I knock him to the ground, the keys flying out of his hand. 

   I swing at him, my fist connecting with his jaw. The look on his face breaks me the last bit. I regret it, but I don't stop. He shoves me away from him, and I roll onto the pavement. He kicks his leg out, pushing me father away. I crawl back to him, raising my hand to punch him again. He grabs my wrist, and stares me down. After a few seconds, our expressions soften. We share a feeling of apology, and that is all we need. He helps me up.

  The flashes that have been going off nonstop in the last minute slowly die down. I keep my eyes trained on the ground. Kendall picks up the keys. I feel bad for hitting him, but I wish I didn't stop.

   "Kendall, she was having our baby," I whispered the last part, so only he could hear it.

   The doors click. "I, uh, got the doors unlocked." I restrain from glaring at him. We get in, pretending the fight never happened.

     For most of the ride I watch the landscapes roll by. The world is too happy for me. Kids playing and dancing made me sick, my face contorting like I tasted something sour. I want to be isolated from all of this.

   "I'm sorry for snapping at you and understating the situation," Kendall apologizes. "I can't even begin to imagine how you feel," he confesses. I nod, knowing I should ask for forgiveness, too.

   "I'm sorry for hitting you, that's gonna leave a nasty bruise tomorrow."

  He pulls into my driveway, and I stumble out without muttering a single farewell.

  "Wait a sec, I'm staying with you." I groan. Why won't the world leave me alone? "I think you need company." I rapidly shake my head. What I really need is the opposite.

   He follows me in, and I fall face-first onto the couch. I don't care that my tears are ruining the expensive fabric.

   "It will get better. . ." Kendall convinces me.

   I can't tell if he's saying that to me or himself. I see tears gathering in his eyes. I have no way to console him when I can't console myself.

  "I'm going to bed," I tell him, even though it's only 4 p.m, and I'm not tired. "Or do you want to follow me to make sure I'll be fine?"

   He shakes his head distantly, thinking about something. His eyes are also empty of emotion, just like mine. I'm glad he doesn't follow me. For once I'd actually like to have my heart shatter in private.

*Hi guys, I know I haven't updated in forever, but I don't think many people read my stuff anymore anyways. Please listen to the song on the right, cause as I was searching for a song for this chapter, I heard this and I was like "Woah, that is the song, omg, it's making me cry" It's just so absolutely amazing!*