Random Shit

Sorry, I'm Dying (Part 3).

STORY TIME
I didn't notice the boy until 7th grade. And even then, it took me a while. It wasn't until one day in gym, I saw him messing with my books. He was holding my bookmark and for some stupid reason, I'm kind of defensive of my bookmarks (especially if they hold meaning). So, being the dumb 11 or 12 year old I was, I walked up to him and demanded he give it back. He gave it back with no hesitation and ripped a random piece of paper in front of me. I just brushed it off and put my bookmark back.
Sometime later, I'm sitting in math, taking to him and like two other people. We were all laughing and having a good time. I think somewhere in the conversation, we started talking about phones. And he asked me for my number. Me being the eager child I was to have cool friends who I could sneak out late with at night was like "sure, here ya go!" That's when everything started.
We ended up texting every day. Yes, everyday. We would stay up until maybe 1 or 3 in the morning and talk about the stupidest things ever. It did take us a while to get up to that point, but eventually we did. And I considered him my best friend.
He always laughed with me when my texts made no sense. He laughed at my stupid jokes. We exchanged bands that the other person should listen to. We were probably 'Best Friend Goals.'
And that was until Thanksgiving break. I had gotten my first boyfriend, and I was head over heels infatuated with him. I mean if a guy hugs you when you're cold and let's you hold his hand, obviously you're meant to be. Well, my best friend and boyfriend didn't exactly get along. Now I've learned from my sisters and many teen movies that your friends shouldn't make you chose between them and your partner. So I chose my boyfriend. But honestly, if you're my best friend of only a few months and you almost constantly tear down the boy I liked for seven years, I'm gonna chose the boy I've liked for seven years.
So during Thanksgiving break, me and my best friend didn't speak to each other. I was mad at him for talking my boyfriend down and I wasn't going to tolerate it.
Eventually though, we made up and he accepted the fact that I was with the guy (and I kind of regret breaking up with him. Stupid peer pressure). We went back to talking and texting everyday. It was amazing having a guy best friend and a boyfriend. I kinda felt like Andy from 'Pretty In Pink.'
Then I broke up with my boyfriend thanks to peer pressure. But my best friend was there to help me through the pain. And he was there to help me through the next one. I can't remember if we texted over summer, but I don't doubt that we did. However, one month, I told my mom I was beginning to feel very depressed, and me and him had talked about our feelings and everything so he already knew. My mom told me to stop talking to him for a while because he was bringing me down. So we didn't talk for about a month. It was hell. And it didn't help.
I got my phone back and it was heavenly. I could talk to my best friend again! Yea! And we continued talking. But my mood kind of improved. I liked talking to him, especially since we could talk about literally anything. And yes, I mean anything.
Eighth grade came, and it, for some reason, was a little awkward. We weren't as close (I think we had a fight), but we still talked and stuff. He started getting more friends and I started isolating myself due to that. He got a girlfriend, and I was happy for him. I cared about his happiness since that's all I wanted him to be: happy. He really liked her, but I guess he got possessive or something. I'm not really sure, but they broke up. I was there for him, but it didn't make us stronger.
I'm not sure why we were all of a sudden drifting apart. I think it had something to do with the fact that he had started making more friends and talking to more people. I felt....left behind. Just like I do now.
After eight grade graduation, we talked until July. Then there was no contact. I felt....lost? Empty? I'm not sure, but it felt wrong. The person I had spent a year constantly talking and pouring my heart out to had vanished. He moved in with his dad, which was great. His mom was a bitch. But I still wanted to talk. At the beginning of high school, I tried talking to him. I texted him, but I got no response.
I finally gave up about a month into the school year, accepting that he'd never respond. But I kept the messages. I remember one night when I was missing him so bad that I went and reread our texts. I ended up crying that night. That was also the night that I deleted the messages, if I remember correctly. And I just, I feel like something is missing from my life.
I've also come to a theory/hypothesis that him and I are supposed to end up together. That's only because I took this silly test thing on one of Buzzfeed's channels about dating/relationships. And it said I'm not supposed to be in a relationship right now, I won't really date many other people before finding the one, and I like close relationships. Well, people have also told me that he had a crush on me. I always brushed it off, and maybe it was because I was just too scared to admit it was possible that we could be a thing.
Maybe it's plausible, but it's probably me just realizing what I had now that it's gone.
Andrew, if you ever happen to read this, I miss you. And just give me a sign that you're still alive.