So What? You're still a girl!

Nothing Helps

Raine's POV

"No." I mumbled to myself during the end of the school day.

"No what?" Courtney asked, rebounding off of a student that bumped into her.

"I don't think it will get better."

For me, passing period is like crawling through a foxhole. Just keep your head down, and hope that no one throws an insult at you, or worse, makes an attempt on your life. Usually, when someone insults me, I can brush it off because I'm so used to it. But today, I feel so vulnerable...emotionally. Maybe it's just because of earlier...

"Are you talking about the high schoolers?" She asked, seeming lost in the middle of our conversation. She was looking around the halls.

"Yes the high schoolers, I mean, sure the senio-"

"Hey!" I flinched at the sudden shout, expecting someone to hit me. "Courtney! You ready to go see Gangsters on mars II?"

It was Courtney's boyfriend, Danny. He approached us quickly, side-stepping students on his way over. He avoided eye contact with me, staring at Courtney, and the crowd passing us. I'm not entirely sure what his thoughts are on me, but with the lack of acknowledgement he shows, I doubt they're positive.

"Of course! It's in Greenville right?" She turned back to me. "Hey, um...Raine, I have to go to a movie. But I'll call you later! Alright?" Her eyes glanced to the left.

"Yeah it's fine. Don't worry! Go watch Gansters on Mars."

"Gangsters on mars II." Danny corrected.

"Yeah. That." My shoulders slumped.

Courtney giggled, and reached for Danny's hand where they walked down the hall ahead of me. They disappeared in the crowd within seconds.

Realizing I was standing in the middle of the hall, a possible target for bullies, I marched forward with the crowd.

Gansters on Mars huh? Courtney was always a fan of those B-movies.

I passed the front doors ridding my eyes of the blue and orange walls of the school. I never got to finish what I was telling her earlier.

The seniors. The grade that harasses and attacks me the most. Once they leave, what's to say the kids in my grade won't replace them? What's to say the kids in my grade won't harass me more than they already do? What's to say there won't be another Nate?

...I'm getting ahead of myself. It's just because of today. Stop worrying about next year. You need to focus on today, Raine. What you're going to do on the bus, at home, and before you go to sleep. That's right...later you're going to have fun with your family, chill with your sister, and call Courtney once she gets back from the movies. It'll take her a while to get home because it's so far away, but you can wait.

Nearly tripping over the black steps on the school bus, I overhear kids talking about the newest movies they wanted to see. I sat two seats in front of them out of habit. It's where I always sit unless a middle schooler steals my spot.

"I can't believe you guys are going to see a chick flick." A barren voice says a seat behind me.

"Hey it's not a chick flick!" A girls voice replied.

"Oh really? then what is it?"

"It's an honest, beautiful animated story between a girl and her long lost childhood friend that she falls in love with after reuniting in college. She hasn't seen him in 10 years! Ten! Could you imagine not having contact with one of your friends for 10 years? It would drive me insane..." the first girl finished.

A second girls voice joined the conversation. "And get this after the ten years of not seeing her, he forgot who she was, while she remembered him. She had to retell him all the stuff they did together, and I just hope he falls in love with her! Oh it would be such a cute ending!

"So...it's a chick flick..."

"IT'S NOT A CHICK FLICK!" The first girl shouted, making everyone turn around to look at her. Before she made a fool of herself anymore, she sat back in her seat and grumbled quietly.

"So what movie are you going to see Maximilian?" The second girl asked, "another one of those crappy action movies?"

"They're not...oh...I see what you're trying to do. Yes it's an action movie, but it's not crappy." The boy answered behind me. "I'm just going to see Gangsters on the moon II. I don't need to give you a description because it's exactly what it sounds like. Just gangsters on the moon."

The bus jolted forward, and students were thrown into their seats. I smirked to myself. That's why you shouldn't sit with your back to the bus driver. She always plays this cruel game with her passengers, but she means it for the best. She cares about us and she just wants to avoid casualties from sitting the wrong way.

"Well that's boring." Both girls replied simultaneously. "Sounds like shit."

"Hmmm." Maximilian mused, avoiding their trap once more. "Well you won't know if you don't try will you?"

When it seemed like the conversation was over I put headphones on and turned my favorite 7 songs onto repeat.

Just from looking at me, even if you looked really deep into my appearance, you'd think I was into hardcore death-metal. My thick black hair, dark circles under my blue eyes, and careless cool-colored clothing suggest so.

The truth is, I'm actually into EDM, or electronic dance music. Most people say it's a rhythm repeated over and over again, but I enjoy it. And while some songs may be repetitive, they're still creative. The rhythmic synthesizer sounds are what I like about them though. They're relaxing, and at the same time, some can really make you feel the urge to dance!

With 40 minutes left till I get dropped off at my house, I could do so much. Maybe rewrite Mrs. Berrinauts' homework for the third time? Play a game on my phone. Write my college essay.

Taking a nap isn't an option. Especially with how untrustworthy some of the kids on this bus are. It's not that they're shifty-looking, it's just that they're renowned bullies at my school. I can't imagine what kind of pranks they might pull if I fall asleep. It can't hurt to study some more AP calculus for next year.

With the next song already playing, I started studying for a class I don't have to take for another year.

It didn't matter what I chose to help distract me on the bus. Nothing helps when I have a day like this.