Midnight Thoughts

Chapter 3: No

It's been a while. A while since I talked to my girlfriend. She left a week ago for a camp in Texas. Seeing my condition when I first arrived here, she helped me stand up on my own feet. She was my pillar of hope, and a pillar for me to lean on when I cried. She reminded me to stay strong even though it seemed impossible and I really appreciated her.

Eventually, we fell head over heels for each other. We saw each other's true colors and our relationship worked out. She's due to come back tomorrow, a day shy of our second anniversary. I planned to surprise her on the day and had my best friend help me plan out our surprise romantic dinner. We booked a personal chef and set up a table by the beach. It's been a whole week since I last left her a message and I've been dying to talk to her ever since. Just one more day. Shit, I miss Lexuss. My parents. Here to ruin another day of my screwed up life. I've been waiting. Any second now.

~~The next day...~~

I alighted my Uber and proceeded to the arrival hall of the airport. I glanced at the flight information screen situated in front of us. I pressed my face against the glass wall separating the greeters' area and the baggage claim area, which had been restricted to arrival passengers only due to security purposes. I scanned the information screen once again, this time looking for Lexuss' flight information. 1548. Her flight's arrival. 3:48PM. I dragged my eyes to the bottom-right of the screen for the time. 1545. Three minutes. Come on. I stood there impatiently for what seemed like a whole day staring at the green bar on the information screen that stated "Confirmed".

Hurry up... Finally. The green bar turned red, which now stated the word I'd been looking for. "Landed". After a few minutes, I spotted her wheeling her luggage towards the exit of the baggage claim area. Wearing tight beige cotton pants and a loose cotton shirt striped with shades of blue and pink and red, she swiftly exited the baggage claim. Finally, she spotted me. Instead of the smile I expected, she instead greeted me with a gloomy face. "Anything wrong?" I asked. She didn't seem like her usual self. For the first time, I had this feeling that she didn't love me the same. I couldn't decipher the code on written on her face. Was it Greek? Or Hieroglyphics? Or maybe Arabic?

"Love! Just tell me what's happening!" This ended up with silence. Awkward silence. The silence every couple dreaded of. I sensed something wrong about her. Maybe I had to leave her alone. Maybe her flight was a bit too bumpy for her. We sat in our Uber like strangers. For the first time. She didn't act this way. I had to find out why she was acting like this. My worde fear kept surfacing in my mind. It kept bubbling like boiling water. I couldn't keep it underwater. On the ride to my place, the Silence, named courtesy of the current situation, was maintained only to be broken when our driver asked for the payment when we arrived.

I helped Lexuss unload her camping bags and luggage and wheeled them into my house. She sat down as I got us some water. We stared at each other for three minutes. The tension was high. Extremely high. I had to break the ice. Somehow. "Soooo, how was the flight?"

"Great." Lexuss replied with an evident annoyed tone. Something was definitely wrong.

"The camp?"

"Had fun."

"Anything wrong?"

"No." She rolled her eyes. That was it.

"Love, what the fuck? What's wrong?!"

"Don't call me Love!" She snapped immediately. This sentence echoed in my mind for the whole week...

Obviously taken aback, I replied. "Something's wrong. Who is it... WHO IS IT?!"

"Someone else. History repeats, Alexander. I can't love you anymore because I've found someone else to love. I can't take this tension. Let's just break up. I've made up my mind and you can't change it anymore. I'm sorry but we can't be together. I don't don't want to two-time. Goodbye Alexander."

"WHAT?! NO! NEVER. I'll never let some other dick take away my girlfriend like that!"

"Too bad. That 'dick' already did. And FYI, I'm not your girlfriend anymore."

"No! Please! What did I do! I'll change and that's a promise!"

She took all her belongings and booked an Uber. She rushed out of the house as the Uber arrived. She loaded her stuff onto the back. Before leaving...

"I'm sorry. I know it hurts but let go of me. Remember when you wanted to break up with me? 'If you love her, let her go.' So do that. Please. I don't want to hurt you even more so I'm doing this as soon as possible."

"Please don't leave me! Please! No... no! Never! No! No! No!" I screamed.

She boarded the car and rolled down the windows. "Let. Go. Of. Me. Goodbye, Alexander."

"NO!"

And there she went. She left. She left. Our "conversation" echoed in my mind for the weeks to come. She left my heart just like that. Tears trickling down my cheeks, I ran back inside to phone Lexuss. "Sorry, but the customer you're trying to reach has rejected your call. Please leave a message after the tone or try again later." No! I tried again. And again. And again. This was too sudden. I didn't expect this, one day shy of our second anniversary. No. Fucking. Way. I sobbed and screamed at home. Fortunately, no one was home. I sobbed like a baby who didn't get its needs fulfilled. I sobbed like I've never before. I couldn't ring Lexuss. I've texted her eleven times. I tried calling her landline. No reply. I've been sitting here for an hour, crying and sobbing like no one was watching.

I phoned Javier. "Lexuss... broke... u... u... p... wi... th... muh... muhh... me." I said in broken sobs. "Calm down... wait let me come down to your place." I couldn't control my sobs. I didn't even know why she chose to be with someone else, or who her other was. I had absolutely no clue. I felt like cutting again. Yes. Cut. Cut. Cut. And so I did. I ran up to my room, grabbed a razor and slashed my left arm. I screamed as I focused on the pain. Soon, all I could think of was my cuts. I blocked off every other thought that tried to invade my broken heart. Thirty minutes have past and cutting in his room, Alexander cried and screamed. "One more!"

The door swung open. "What the fuck! STOP!" In an instant, Javier ran in and snatched the razor away from my hand. "How the fuck did you get in?!" I asked out of shock. "I've been outside for ten minutes and you haven't answered the door so I ran to the back and broke in after hearing your screams. But dude, fuck it that doesn't matter. Stop cutting! I'm here..."

"I don't even know who that bastard was... I WANT TO KNOW. I NEED TO. Fucking hell. She broke my heart. She said that she'll never leave me. She said she'll always be with me."

"Forget. It's gonna take a while and it's not easy. I know."

"DUDE! I fucking don't want to cry but..."

"It's normal... especially after getting dumped. Trust me. No one will laugh at you."

I'm crying inside and out. Help me. Please?!