Endless

Control | Ryan

Nick cut up some vegetables with efficiency born out of centuries of practice with a knife. He kept his obvious doubts to himself.

"I'm low," he said after a while. "Do you have stock?"

Telling him to go get his own morphine was an excellent way to get rid of him, but something held me back. Maybe it was our old friendship, or because he hadn't taken the argument further—as if he wanted to believe me.

I nodded. "There's a fridge in my safe. In my room. Combination's 150400."

Nick smirked and put down his knife. "You mystery, you."

I rolled my eyes. It was a mystery. The people who knew where I lived, but had no idea what I was, would never guess my true birthdate—15 April 1000—let alone that it was my safe's combination. Those who could guess didn't know where I lived, Nick being the exception.

"Bring me a shot too," I said.

It'd be necessary soon. My insides hummed as my body burned through the last of the dosage I'd taken. Nick went without a word, leaving me alone with the slow onset of my craving.

The less morphine remained, the easier it would be for the monster I was to shake it off. As it was, I grew more aware of Ali, peaceful in her bed. I could hear her breathe. The feel of her heartbeat was only barely out of my reach.

I put my knife down and braced my hands on the cool marble counter. Nick was right. What had I been thinking? I didn't want her to be defenseless against the griffs who might catch her trail, but who'd defend her against me? Against the medicated monster I was?

Ali turned in her sleep with a soft sigh of sheets and breath. My grip tightened. I had to keep my control. She'd done nothing to deserve me as her guardian. I was a much bigger danger to her than anything else out there, but yet, I wanted to protect her.

Quiet as a whisper, she keened. It went straight through me. I couldn't stay away. My tread took me straight to her door. I reached up and grasped the handle, holding on tight. Going in would be courting disaster. It would risk us both. But when she whimpered, I opened the door and went in without another thought. Her presence was intoxicating, a gentle touch to a painful scar. I ventured closer, my heart thundering. This was madness. My control was hanging on by the slenderest of tethers, but I couldn't make myself turn away any more than I could tell the sun not to rise.

She'd left the lamp on and it washed her in golden light. Her expression wasn't peaceful. It held so much pain that it gave me pause. I didn't want to hurt her. Didn't want to betray her trust. Her eyes opened and she looked at me. Her gaze was bruised, tired.

"He left," she murmured, dabbing at her eyes. Then she sobbed.

I was by her side before I had time to blink, pulling her into my arms. She curled into me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her body shook as she silently cried. I rubbed her back, somehow aching for her sake. Aching for her. My true nature wanted to absorb her into me. To draw her vibrancy into my being and feed on it for hundreds of years. But then, the man she'd allowed me to become wanted to make her feel better.

Neither version of me could succeed.

Still, I leaned in and kissed her. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on the physical. The warmth she exuded. How rich her skin smelled. I couldn't name her scent, but it was just right. Like the way she felt in my arms, pressing slightly closer even though our kiss was light. I trailed my finger down the side of her neck, savoring her heartbeat, sensing her life out despite myself.

Ali pulled back and searched my face. Her brows furrowed as fear and confusion filled her clear, blue eyes.

"Go back to sleep," I said. My voice sounded gruff. "You need your rest."

She sighed and rested her forehead against my shoulder. "I don't want to sleep any more. Hurts."

I petted her hair. The last of my control slipped from my grasp. It was too easy. She didn't even fight my presence. Instead, she welcomed it. How could I even think of betraying this trust? More importantly, how would I get out of the door in time?

"Try," I said, trying to convince us both.

Easier said than done. I didn't even want to release her.

"Okay," she said with a sigh, lying back.

Somehow, I managed to let her. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force myself to put distance between us. If I didn't... God I didn't even want to imagine. No that wasn't true. Everything in me imagined the ecstasy of consuming the energy keeping her alive.

I had to leave. Now. Right now. But then she turned and curled about me.

Her fingertips caressed my hand over the mark she'd given me centuries ago. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For being here whenever I wake up." She yawned. "Makes me feel better...knowing you're here."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. If she only knew what it took out of me. "Sleep well."

I sat there, frozen in place, watching her breaths slow down as she drifted into trusting sleep. Her energy drew me. Called me.

The rustling carpet warned me that Nick was near, but he stabbed me with the syringe before I thought to pull my senses away from Aleria. The needle slamming into my carotid artery hurt like hell.

I grunted and wrapped my hand about Nick's wrist, but he didn't hesitate. In fact, to judge from the intense spurt with which the juice shot into my system, he'd smashed the plunger in with his free hand.

My eyesight went fuzzy. I toppled to the ground as soon as I rose to my feet. Nick had OD'ed. Probably on purpose.

Asshole. Didn't he know I had a morning shift tomorrow? 

Ooh! Ryan's got moves. Who's happy that he kissed Aleria? Who's not? 

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