Endless

The Chieftain's Decision | Aleria

I sat in a bay window in my father's peaceful, airy sitting room, watching rain coming down over New York City. The mansion was huge, like the home in London I vaguely remembered. Something was missing, though. Maybe it was my mother. No, that couldn't be it. Although I loved her, I was used to her absence.

She hadn't been a protector, so her life cycle had been much shorter than mine. Maybe that was why she didn't really feature in my memories. She took up such a small part of my life, but I had loved her. My heart ached every time I remembered her beautiful smile in Regency London.

Armand strode into the room, shaking his hair like a wet dog. He stilled when he caught sight of me. "Not sleeping, then?"

Truth was I hadn't slept at all. Not for days. The whole time it felt like more memories were around the corner, lurking just barely out of reach. I needed a break. To recover from the pain my most recent memories had brought me.

To my surprise, Armand hadn't moved. I seemed to recall that his conversations with me were always perfunctory at best. But was it true? Could I really trust myself after my disastrous mistake with the two griffons? My memories and instincts had already failed me when I'd trusted them most.

"No," I said, frowning at him. That was the most annoying thing about this. I was at a complete disadvantage towards everyone I knew. Yes, I recognized them. Sometimes I even had a sense of what the association had been like. I just had no idea what my interactions with them had actually been. All I had to go on were tiny fragments of memories that didn't add up to the whole.

Armand's inscrutable expression left me without any clues, so I took the safest route and turned my attention back to the cityscape.

He ventured closer and cleared his throat.

So the awkwardness was to continue. Luc had always been the one who smoothed things over between Armand and me. The realization squeezed my heart so hard I pressed my hand against my chest in an attempt to dull the pain.

"Why do you think they didn't kill you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. I didn't, not really, and that was killing me. There was so much I didn't know. Would I have acted differently if I did? Was the information so important?

I couldn't drive away the feeling that I'd made a horrible mistake. Ryan had become a doctor in the time since my last memory. Nick became a cop. They had completely immersed themselves in humanity, so the image of them as the monsters who'd killed Luc just didn't fit them. But why did they lie to me?

Armand sat down next to me, leaning against the window. As casual as his pose seemed, I couldn't imagine he was comfortable. Still, he'd made an effort. I needed to, as well.

"I'm sorry about Luc," I said, even if my words could never even begin to cover the shallowest of my feelings on the matter.

"Yeah," he said after a moment. "Me too."

I crossed my arms and hugged myself, glancing out of the window. "Do you hate me for not saving him?"

He should have hated me. Luc was basically dead because of me. If I'd stayed away from Nick all those years ago, Luc would still be alive. I couldn't remember everything about his death, but of this I was sure.

"I don't know," Armand said and released a heavy sigh. "Did you try?"

Those three words burned me. "Of course I did! How could you even ask that? I loved him."

"And yet, you turned him down again and again."

"Wouldn't you?" I asked forcing myself to meet his gaze. Armand and my father were the only protectors I knew of with life cycles as long as mine. "Knowing someone you loved would be reborn without you? That they'd live whole lives you can't share?"

He clenched his jaw. "I wouldn't. Not if the brief moments our lives intersected were worth it."

I flinched. He was right. I'd risked everything for Nick once, presumably because my love for him had been enough to make the risk worthwhile. Only, I'd never guessed what the cost would be.

The truth was I didn't remember. I knew I loved Luc, but...if there had been no Nick, or if Luc had survived, would we have been married? Would we have had a happy life even today? Would I have felt whole?

I didn't know.

Before I could explore my feelings any further, my father walked in. His brown hair was graying at the temples. The wrinkles he had only added to his good looks, making him appear distinguished.

"My girl," he said and bent down. His kiss to my forehead flooded me with love, bringing to mind the million times he'd done it before.

I gave him a hug in return, savoring his warmth and strength. "Please don't go," I said impulsively, squeezing my father tighter. I'd only just found him again. The thought of him dying and never coming back terrified me.

He petted my hair. "I won't. Not just yet."

"Milord?" Armand asked.

My father stepped back. "We are to help the Firm regain control of the griffons."

"Why? Let them destroy themselves. I'll even go help them over the brink."

My father frowned at Armand, and he averted his gaze. Few people had the guts to stand up to their Chieftain. "What say you, darling?"

I looked up at him. "I don't know what to say." Once again, my memories stirred, but they stubbornly remained out of reach.

My father's expression softened. He cupped my face between his hands. "Griffons protect humanity the same way we do. The fight we have with them is between us only. Mortals shouldn't suffer for our choices. Do you agree?"

His voice was so gentle, so patient, so loving. Tears stung the back of my eyes. I nodded. "And the Firm being destroyed would have a bad effect?"

He smiled. "Indeed."

Armand scowled. "Fine. We help them, but so help me, the Reaper and his brother will die before I'm done with them." With that, he stalked out of the room, leaving us both staring at his back.

My father sighed. "Sometimes, I think he's too angry for his own good."

"We can't blame him," I said. "Half his soul died with Luc." My voice cracked.

"Yes," my father said, "but there is such a thing as forgiveness."

His words reverberated in my mind until theythundered, taking me back to a night in the Battle of Britain.    

Almost there, guys! Next week will be the last chapter. But for now, please do let me know what you thought of this one. If you liked it, please don't forget to vote. :-)