Twists of Fate (boyxboy)

Chapter 7

The hours that followed became a massive blur to me. Emotion had taken control of me, and I willingly gave in. Before I knew it, the time I was required to stay in the hospital came to an end. It seemed as if I should be happy about that, but how? A life was gone because of me.

Ricky's voice mumbled just out of ear shot, even though he was sitting right next to me. My thoughts were too jumbled up for me to pay attention to anything around me. But then, wasn't that how I got into the accident in the first place? I had been thinking too much about Lucas and Ricky.

I gave a heavy sigh and pulled myself away from my internal struggle. "Did you bring any clothes for me?"

Ricky nodded gently and walked over to a chair nearby the door. In it rested a thin shopping bag with clothes inside. He grabbed at it and brought it to me.

"Thanks." I pulled them out, noticing he'd gotten a nice pair of my jeans and a fairly new t-shirt. Slowly, I undressed from the hospital wear and started to slip into my new clothes.

"You don't have to be so hard on yourself, Kaleb. It wasn't your fault." Tones of sympathy and worry echoed in his words.

Part of me wanted to believe him, to just know that everything was okay. A greater part of me, though, knew I was to blame. Perhaps if I hadn't been in such a rush to get to Lucas, she would have survived. It's impossible to know, but that thought alone kept my mind in a dark place.

"Yeah." I knew he could hear the disinterest and numbness in my voice, but for some reason, I didn't care. The waist of my jeans slid up past my thighs and I buttoned them, feeling the snug contraction on my skin.

He sighed and pulled my face to his. My reflection shone back at me in his eyes. My own were dull. Lifeless. For a moment, I actually felt worried about myself. Such a look had never existed in my eyes before.

"Kaleb, damnit, listen to me. We can't control life and death. If we could, James would still be here. But he's not, and we can't. So stop feeling sorry for yourself. It was an accident. You didn't do anything on purpose."

I pulled my jaw free of his grip, letting his words seep in to my mind. Maybe he was right. Could I have prevented anything? It all happened so fast, I barely understood anything. Another heavy sigh passed my lips. "I'm sorry. It's just hard."

He wrapped his arms around me and held on to my body tightly. "I know. You can't beat yourself up over it, though. There was nothing you could have done."

My head bobbed up and down gently. "I guess." I took a step back, separating our bodies, so that I could slide the thin t-shirt over my bare torso.

Ricky turned around and grabbed my socks and shoes, handing them to me as well. After another moment, I was fully dressed and ready to leave.

As we were walking out of the hospital, for the first time, I thought of my car. No doubt it would need intensive repair, if it wasn't damaged beyond that point. I heaved a sigh, dreading the thought of paying for damages.

I felt Ricky helping me into the passenger seat of his car. It felt odd, needing the help. Independence was a trait I prided myself on, so the feeling that I required any form of assistance sent a hard blow to my self-esteem.

He closed the door and walked around to the driver's door. In seconds, the car's engine purred to life and we were on the road back to campus.

The drive seemed to take an eternity. Silence stayed with us the entire time. A silence that made me feel uncomfortable around Ricky. It was one of the strangest sensations I'd ever had.

Arriving back to campus was a spectacle all its own. News travels fast no matter where you are. The large crowd of people that rushed up to me asking questions only proved that.