Awakened

Chapter 17: Remorse

If I could undo the past...

These two people that stood in front of me moments before where not Devin's real parents. They where his uncles. I took his parents life on the first assignment I was given as an assassin, when I was just thirteen. Victorino, the blacksmith of the government had refused to make weapons that posse's drug in their tips that could make humans suffer more as they slowly felt their body wither, but their mind remained clear, enameling them to past out.

Little did I know that those people had a child in their bedroom as I slid their troths opened. But before I killed her, the mother held something in her arms. When her limb body fell to the ground; a child, just a few years old, terrified and trembling laid defenseless in front of me.  The shadows on the night concealed my features not letting him see nothing but my eyes, glittering in the moonlight as I stared at him. I was about to end his life as well when the man I was speaking too came forth and stood between us. He was one of the government officials, but I had never seen him before... He was short out of breath as he trembled trying to be strong

" Please spare him! He has done no wrong. This child is the only hare to the Blacksmiths of this town ... and the government needs him alive to forge weapons for them in the near future...since only he may learn his father's secret.

Later on in my career I learn that Victorino's death was just a mistake. He was blamed for something that he never did, and the government followed the fake accusations without second to waste. Or maybe they where looking for an excuse to end his life. The reason he did not forge such weapons was because the scientist that where suppose to hand him the drug, had not finish manipulating it and working around it, so they delayed the date and did not say anything to their superiors afraid that they would be the ones being executed. His death was unneeded and unfair... it was maybe the only assignment in which I regretted what I had done.

After that, I approached the child which life I speared. From the shadows I looked at him for a while until one day, I felt the pain was too much. Seeing him play alone in the dirt as he made wooden swords and weapons.  I needed to apologize for what I had done.  I took everything from him, and left him orphan, alone and defenseless at the mercy of the government, which was going to rule and decide everything for the rest of his life.

So, breaking my own code, I walked up to his house as I approached him slowly. But before I managed to speak to him, he ran inside, afraid of me. Moments later, his uncle, now his tutor, came out of the house looking to see what had frighten the child moments before.  When he saw me standing there, he froze as his body relaxed and smiled at me.  He called out for the child one more as he call him name... Devin. That's when I first learn his name.

When Devin came running outside he told him I was a soldier, and that he had to respect me.  The child's eyes light up and smiled as he came to me and told me his name, unknowing I had head it just moments before. I wanted to tell him the truth.  But there I felt that I would crush the happiness he was feeling and decided to tell him later on.

After that day I came to visit at lot. Every time he saw me a smile ran true his lips.  I told him my codename, and he never asked me what my name was, and I learned to make a friend even when my life, and my choices inside my work always where dictated, and I had no choice but to follow them.

But if I called this child my friend, I could not lie to him. I needed to tell him the truth. So one day I approached the uncle directly instead. I told him how I felt and how ashamed I was of my doings.

But the uncle shanked his head " don't tell him, all he needs now is a friend, and idol ... not more pain and suffering to take in his tiny heart". Then he told me some words that I would never forget " It may have been your hands that killed them but it was the government hands which got stained with their blood...your where just the tool they used to get the job done". Then I realized that I was just a tool...and my actions from there on where not mine anymore.

It was not long before I started noticing that Devin had feeling for me. Well I was young and I had needs, so one cold winter night I took him as mine, marking him and making him bleed under my hand. Within his innocence he pulled my locks and looked at me with heavy lidded eyes. He embraced me, inside of rejecting me, and for once I felt alive. In that moment I started to realize that I felt pleasure when I cause him pain...for once I felt what my master felt every time he rapped me, and every time he made me suffer. This was the first time in a relationship in which I was in control.

His expression was intoxicating... I could feel my body enjoying every moment of this. I did not want to stop... I wanted more. This feeling of dominance over him was intoxicating, that and the fact that he was so devoted to me.

He was so thigh...so delicious and so innocent... I felt like a monster praying on the weak. I liked this feeling... being for good or bad... but this feeling was mine...and the government had no control or dictate what I did when it came to my sexual life.

That night will always linger on my mind as we grew older together. No one ever knew what we did when we where alone, and I was careful to keep It a secret.

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