Don't mess with the Grey.

Chapter 30

With a cup of coffee in one hand and a very concise résumé of Seattle Grace's functioning over the last months in the other, Meredith leaned against the balustrade of the overpass looking out at the lobby. She stated with contentment that the results seemed pretty damn good. The hospital was in a great financial situation, the balance of patients saved was on the bright side, her workforce was rejuvenated... She studied the figures scrupulously. If she needed to introduce any improvements, it was really the last call. They were already halfway through December, a month before the publication of the newest hospital rankings and... a month after her relationship with Derek Shepherd ceased to exist.

By far, it was the most trying time during her stay in Seattle, more so, in her life. It was also the loneliest. She had been subjected to the feeling of abandonment for many years, but it never seemed as severe as now. Maybe it was like that because she learnt the taste of life in a relationship and therefore knew what she was missing. And she was missing a lot. Every day she woke up with the same dull ache in her chest, the place where her heart had been before Derek Shepherd ripped it out and trampled over. The passage of time didn't bring any solace, the pain was as acute as in the moment when her eyes caught the sight of Derek locked in a kiss with Gretchen Miles. She got accustomed to it, learned to breathe despite the pain oppressing her lungs, but it never lessened, never disappeared. Quite like Derek who was vigorously acting on his word.

Just as he promised, he didn't back out, he didn't gave up. She couldn't fathom why he persisted throwing her significant looks at any given occasion, talking to her on topics ranging from mundane to intimate and invading her personal space. All that was making her life under the banner of avoidance incredibly hard. By now she was a fulltime avoider, she evaded so many people it was making her head spin. First, there was Derek, of course; the fact she would never admit straight to his face.

Then there was Addison who was acting more like her guardian dog than a friend nowadays. Addie didn't yet move to her shiny shiny apartment and now her and Meredith were living like some odd couple in a freaking house of silence. Addie took Derek's side in the conflict and didn't hide it. Meredith was well aware that all it would take to change her mind was telling her best friend what she had witnessed. Why didn't she entrust this knowledge to her closest confidante? One reason was certainly the unwillingness to admit to anyone she was in fact the one screwed over, not Derek. The other, verbalizing what she felt seemed likely to double the amount of pain she went through. And she just craved to leave it all behind her, forget the unfortunate episode, as she arrived to call it in her mind.

And then there was Richard Webber trying to talk to her, Lexie Grey following her everywhere, Susan Grey... the list went on and on.

Speaking of going, Gretchen Miles just entered the lobby and started speaking to a nurse behind the counter. Meredith turned around and directed her steps to her office. She fought the vomit rising in her mouth every time she saw her. It was a real luck she was finally leaving, today. Her study was successful and as a result she was embarking on a tour around hospitals promoting the achievement of her team. At one time, there was a risk Derek might go with her but he adamantly refused, the decision proving both relief and torture. It would be unbearable to watch him ride into the sunset with Gretchen, but it was equally unbearable to see his face every day at hospital. Maybe if he disappeared from her daily life she would finally be able to get some closure?

She immersed herself in the work completely and wholeheartedly, body and soul, everything to get her mind off things. Although, the precious sacred work that was once the whole world for her, brought only minimal immediate reprieve. It didn't hurt to try, though, she thought as she perched herself behind her desk, especially only weeks apart from the great evaluation. That was the one thing left that brought the thrill down her spine, the competition, the need to fulfill the resolve she came to Seattle with.