I love her. I hurt this beautiful girl named Nicole. She doesn't deserve to be hurt so badly. You're probably wondering what I did that was so bad. Do you really want to know? I cheated on her. I cheated on her with my ex and I will never forgive myself. She hates me now and always will. The worst part is that my ex and her were really good friends. Juliet and I still talk, but I miss the days when it was Alistair-and-Juliet Not Alistair and Nicole. Everytime we talk I can't help but gawk at those big, beautiful, green eyes. I love the way her hair falls perfectly down the center. I'm crazy about her. I pray that one day we will end up together.
I messed up again too... Now she thinks that I'm with Megan even though her and I are just friends. Plus I would never go for a girl like Megan. She just isn't my type. Too stressed. Too boring. Too Dramatic.
Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, Nicole.
She is all I've been able to think about since we broke up. She means everything to me, although, at the time I didn't appreciate her. It's funny how that works, isn't it? I guess it's true what they say, you never know what you've got 'till it's gone. Logically, I know that wishing to get her back is like wishing for rain while standing in the middle of a desert, but I'll wait for her. I've never felt anything in the whole world like this before and I'm hoping that she'll come back to me even though I'm utterly unworthy. I don't know what else I can do but wait. I'm all alone. Without her, knowing I'm the reason why, kills me. Life is unbearable without Nicole. What do I have to do to win her back?
When I think about what I've done to her I get this lump in my throat. I wonder what she thinks when she see's me pass by in the hallway. Perhaps she thinks "I miss him and want him back." or maybe it's more like "I hate him and never want to see him again." It wouldn't surprise me if that is what she thought.
I'm not the great guy a lot of people seem to think I am, not even close. Those people that think that have no idea about the pain I've caused. All the lies I've told. All of the wrong things I've done. Yeah, people change but changing doesn't change what you've done and sometimes regaining trust isn't enough. You can mend wounds but you can't change scars. I haven't done just one thing. I've done many. It's not just what I've done either. It's all of the pain and the heartache I've caused.
There are so many things I wish I could tell her but I can't. They would destroy everything. If I said them there would be a plethora of complications added on to the current ones. She has her party this weekend and I'll try to win her back then. That'll be the perfect time to just sit down with her and unload my mind.
