To Love Him Once More (USFIL Book 2) - REVAMPED

Chapter 13

JEARRI

He was true to his words. Since our last confrontation, he never allowed himself to appear in front of me, although there were times that I could feel his presence. I felt like he was there during my book signings, and every time I held an auction for my paintings. I guess he really did watch me from a distance where our gazes never met.

It's been a year since the last time I saw him, and since then, I've known something is missing. I realized I missed his presence and that I developed feelings I shouldn't have, with him not being around. I felt guilty every time I looked at Kyron, my boyfriend, because part of me—just a dot—still longed for him. For Laxer.

"Congratulations on another successful book signing. I'm sorry I missed it. There's been a lot going on with the company, and they've kept me busy," Kyron apologized, kissing me on the lips. I just smiled at him.

"Thank you."

I glanced around the venue one more time. I felt him. He was there for sure. He attended my book signing event that Kyron missed. So, what am I doing now? Why am I comparing them? Kyron explained he was busy with his company. I'm not that kind of girlfriend who was immature enough to question things he does for his company instead of prioritizing me. I'm not yet his wife, so I can't demand more.

"Are you mad?" he asked. I looked at him, surprised. I didn't realize he had been staring at me during the stoplight. "I'm really sorry, Zanya." He was still calling me that way, and a part of me wanted to correct him. But we'd promised each other that we would always stay as Kyron and Zanya, no matter what happened.

"Don't bring me home. Let's go to your unit instead," I said. He hesitated at first but did what I asked.

"Why do you suddenly want to go to my place? Are you breaking up with me?" he asked. I didn't answer. I hadn't even thought about it. Instead, I pretended to be asleep.

I actually fell asleep, and when I woke up, I felt him carrying me to his unit. He carefully laid me on his bed. He went to the bathroom to take a shower, and I was so sleepy I fell asleep again.

When I woke up, he was sleeping beside me. I stared at him when I got the chance. He was sleeping like a baby. And I couldn't understand myself why I couldn't give him the same intensity of love I once had for Laxer? I love Kyron, but I realized it wasn't even close to what I'd felt for Laxer before. Was it because I'm more cautious about my feelings now? Was it because Laxer still held that place in my heart, and that was scary—because it might not just be a dot.

"If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?" I was caught off guard when he suddenly woke up and asked that question out of the blue.

"Do you want to marry me?"

"I've always wanted to since the first time I saw you."

"Josef..." I hadn't called him that since the accident. "I don't want to be Zanya anymore." I noticed how he distanced himself from me. "Can we go back to being Jearri and Josef, now that everything's settled and we're at peace?"

"Is that what you really want? Did I upset you so much that you want to go back to the old you? The time when you felt the most pain? The one that traumatized you?" He rose from the bed and leaned back against the headboard, massaging his temples, as if the conversation was stressing him out. "Are you out of your mind now? Did he convince you to go back to the old you? The version that would bring the worst in you?" His words triggered memories of my old self, and I had to sit up on the bed and face him.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I said, my voice on the verge of tears.

"If I don't, you won't wake up from your pathetic dream."