My Thoughts

Vomit

"I'm about to vomit and I can feel it coming
'Cause failure's something I can barely stomach."
Can I die from vomiting too much?
Because I've been vomiting for the longest.
And it feels the same each and every time.
First my mouth gets super watery.
Then, my stomach turns upside down.
And that's when my face turns red as baboon ass.
And then everything comes up without permission.
And it all happens because I fail.
I fail too much.
I fail as a son, a brother, a friend, a boyfriend, a human.
I can already tell that I'm gonna fail at this wack ass book of poems.
And that means more vomiting.
And I'm not sure if my body can take anymore of this vomiting.
Mentally, it hurts.
Emotionally, it hurts.
Physically, it hurts. And it's nasty as fuck.
Can I die from vomiting too much?
No, I can't.
But I can die from the failure that my very existence produces.
How do I know?
Because I'm about to die.
But, I can't because
I'm not ready.
Not yet.