Falling Apart

Chapter Four

A/N: Before I go any further I would just like to note that this chapter might contain some content that certain people may find upsetting and/or triggering. It is a flashback mostly and doesn't really include much to do with the storyline that is taking place in chapters 1 and 3. If you wish to skip it that is 100% understandable.

Eve

I suppose I'm going to have to cover this at some point. This is probably the only thing that I ever had difficulty sharing with Amy. This is how Amy found out about my 'problems'.....

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One day, sometime about a year and half ago, Kayla was having one of her worst weeks and I was feeling worse than normal. I came into school on that Wednesday with a large cut on my arm.

Straight away I went into the bathroom. I was always really early for school so I always went there to escape from people. But I had forgotten that Amy came to school early as well on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Since there was no one it the bathroom I used one of the stalls quickly and when I came out I rolled up my sleeves to wash my hands. A few seconds later the door to the bathroom opened. Hastily I tried to roll down my sleeves but with my hands still damp it was difficult and I heard a gasp before I had them fully down. It was then I knew that whoever that person was had seen my cut.

As I turned to see who the person was, they said in an unmistakable voice, "Eve? What was that?" Shit, I thought, Amy. It was only then that the events of the last few days began to catch up on me. Kayla's bullying and brutality, my own self-hatred and my terrible, terrible night-mares/terrors. I let myself fall to the ground and the tears started to flow.

"Eve??? What's wrong?" Amy asked rushing to sit next to me on the floor. She looked concerned but also scared.

'Shit, I thought. I'm going to ruin our friendship if I tell her, aren't I?' But I couldn't not tell her could I? She'd seen the cut, who knows what else she knows/has seen. If I don't tell her now she might piece it together herself and I don't know what the outcome of that might be.

Taking a shaky breath I looked Amy in the eyes. "There's something I need to tell you," I said. "I shouldn't have kept this from you but I couldn't find the right time to tell you." With that Amy nodded to tell me that she was listening. That was all I needed to know that nothing I told her would change her opinion of me. I began to tell her the story of my battle- no battle isn't the right word- my war with depression, anxiety and self-harm/hatred.

Amy.

I couldn't believe what Eve was telling me, but at the same time I did. I felt as though, deep down, I had always known that there was something more wrong than what she was telling me. The way she described it, "Depression is like a battle," she had said. "No, actually scratch that. It is more like a war than anything else. With multiple battles. Whether they be daily or more or less often, each one is just one battle in the war which is depression. You never know long long the war is going to last, years, months, weeks? The same with battles, hours, days, weeks?" Really touched me. I could tell that she had thought about this a lot.

"Oh Eve," I said after she had told me. I embraced her tightly in a hug. "I am so, so sorry," I whispered. I could feel her hug me back hesitantly. I guessed that she was surprised by my calm and unhateful/unbetrayed reaction. I couldn't help but smile slightly at this.

I rolled up her sleeve and took her arm gently. I ran my finger along her cut. I felt her flinch so I pulled my hand away. "Sorry," I said, feeling awkward, I could feel my face starting to heat up.

"Its okay," Eve said, starting to stand up. "Its just that its been a long time since I've had someone care about me the way you do." I stand up and hugged Eve again. "Thank you," I whispered. Not necessarily to Eve.

"For what?" Eve asked. I smiled, "You."