You Thought You Knew Me

Fragile- Handle With Care

I might not be broken, but I am fragile.  I can only take so much before it gets to be too much.  Life is no longer as simple as it was before.  I miss being blissfully unaware of what the future holds.  Now I fear what remains unknown.  I hate not knowing what will happen.  I have lost the safety net that I once had.  Now if I fall all I can do is pray that some one will catch me.

But who would actually care enough to stick around long enough to save me?  

I wish I knew.  I am like a pawn in a game of chess.  It doesn't matter if you lose a pawn here or a pawn there.  What matters is when you lose that last pawn and your king is out in the open.  Well, if life is a game of chess, I am losing.  I am down to my last few pawns and my queen is on the other side of the board.  I'm caught in a checkmate.

So you see how hard it is for me, too pretend that the little things don't hurt.  It is hard to pretend that their accusations aren't eating away at me.  I hate getting up in the morning knowing that I will have to face the lies and rumors all over again.  I have to fight the urge to slap them when they walk past.  To be honest, there are times I want to do more then smack some sense into their empty heads.  I just want to scream and shout until they realize how hard it is.

If everything happens for a reason, life better have a darn good reason for everything.  

I take shelter from the lies by hanging out with my small group of friends.  Sometimes it works.....and other times it doesn't.  But I know that no matter what, they have got my back.  But even they don't know the real me.  No one does.  If you manage to meet the real me you might not even realize it.  But it is rare that I ever let anyone see the real me.  I'm vulnerable and I do everything I can to hide that fact from people.

I am not some fairy tale girl who has a perfect life.  I am a girl from this world called real life.  I am far from being perfect.  I am a girl who wishes she could just fall into a world that contained a happy ending.  I want to escape this twisted maze called fate.  

I am fragile.  So please be gentle and try not to break me.