You Thought You Knew Me

Fractured Hearts And Broken Trust

Woke up crying in the middle of the night last night, having realized what Saturday March 24, 2012 would have been.  

It would have been our 1 and 1/2 year anniversery.  Would have been, but never was because he cheaed, he dumped me, but somehow I still love him; even though it hurt like hell to know he never really wanted me.  He was the first boy that I kissed, went on a date with, went to a high school dance with, and he was the first boy that I fell stupidly in love with.  He was the first person to make me feel like I was wanted, that somebody really cared.  To bad it was all pretend, to bad he wanted some one else, to bad that I fell for all his lies.

I fell way to hard and way to fast for his cheeky grin and beautiful eyes.  I didn't think that he would ever cheat on me.  I never thought he could look me in the eyes and lie through his teeth.  I never thought he would say he loved me with out really meaning it.  I never thought I would get hurt.

I had felt so safe, so wanted, so fearless.  To bad it was just a false sence of security.  To bad I trusted blindly and believed that some one could truely want some one like me.  To bad I was stupid enough to let myself fall in love.

Chances are that he never felt the same way, that he only saw me as an annoying b*tch.  That's what hurts the worst.......Not knowing if it was real or fake....

I want to move on, pick up the peices and find some one 'better'.  But how can I?  How can I just pretend that I didn't spend that last year and a half with a guy thatnever even cared about me?  What am I supposed to do?  How can I make this pain go away, or at least subside?  I keep waiting for the numbness and the hollow feeling in my heart to finally take over, chasing away all the tears and all the pain.  

I know I'm not the only girl to get her heart broken, I know I'm nothing special.  But why does it seem like no one else really comprehends the pain that is eating away at me?

So go ahead:  Share the story of your heartbreak,  I promise not to judge, only to support you.