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EVEN SMALL things has the capability to kill you.
It's been half past five in the morning now -- thanks to the wall clock displayed on the 24-hour convenience store -- and still, I am wide awake. I've been idly sitting in here for the past hour, watching as how the girl behind the counter yawns, seeming so bored with her work in here and how every thirty minutes or if fortunate enough, twenty-five minutes, someone would enter to buy some snacks, or even just water.
I feel a little hungry myself too, but I don't have money.
I tap my fingers on the table, as my head is leaning against my left hand with my elbows on top of the table as a Lionel Richie song plays on the background.
Before, listening to old songs lulls me into sleep, but right now, it just bring tears into my eyes no matter what the story behind that song is.
Sleep is getting harder and harder to catch these days, and it's a total bummer since it's the one thing I needed the most. The one thing I needed the most to escape this ruin of a life that I have.
I still feel irritated by how these turn of event had happened. I wasn't supposed to be sitting in here and thinking about what should've happened. I'm not supposed to wake up in a freaking hospital after what had happened. And I feel mad about that black-haired guy that according to him 'saved' me from ever drowning.
He didn't save me.
He just made me suffer even more.
Sighing for the nth time, I finally gathered the courage to stand up from my seat and leave the store just as when a teenage girl walks in with bloodshot eyes and cigarette on her right hand. She looks at me for a second and then quickly disappeared on one of the aisles.
I suddenly remembered the state that I was in two years ago, almost similar to that girl minus the cigarette.
The cold early morning air greeted me as I step outside the convenience store. Massaging my temple because my head still hurts like a new scar, I cross the street leading to again nowhere.
I don't really have anywhere to go. And it's not like coming home is one of my top priorities right now. It's actually out of the question.
Stopping in my tracks, I look up at the sky, watching as the dark painting of heaven slowly turns into a lighter one, with small rays of sun slowly inching its way up into the sky, signifying that morning, another day is in fact coming.
I think about all my options which is actually just one : I could go back to the beach even though it's quite far from here and with only this one and a half inch smaller shoe size as my feet cover.
Sounds fantastic.
Starting off my journey, with an empty stomach and achy head, I begin to navigate my way towards the direction leading to the beach. At least for now, I have a direction.
The only thing I hate about this is I know for sure that these shitty thoughts won't be leaving my head any moment now.
🍃🍃🍃
Half an hour into walking, I finally give up.
I should've just stole money from that guy in the hospital, at least I would've probably eaten by now if only I did and I'd also be at the beach by now. Plus, I wouldn't see him again anyway.
Damn it.
Why haven't I thought of that?
Groaning, I slumped myself down on the bench here at the park. I look around me, at all these busy people, at all these people having a great day so far. I wonder why can't I have even just one day of great things going on in my life?
It really sucks.
So far to this day, I have established the fact that there's a lot of should've beens that again should've happened had not only been for that black-haired guy who intervened.
If my drowning body wasn't saved yesterday, these problems wouldn't be happening. In fact, I would've been problem-free by now, if that's even such a thing, but instead, I am stuck here in the park with my feet aching from this small pair of shoes and with my headache adding to the equation of making me the person with the most terrible life and life decisions.
I swear, if I ever get the chance to see that guy again, I'm gonna make sure to promise to myself that he's gonna get slapped by my angry hands.
"Autumn?"
I look behind me to see someone I did not expect to see especially in the state that I am in. I debated between whether or not I should talk to her or pretend that I didn't hear her , but it's all too late now since she's already settling herself down the seat beside me.
"Why are you here?" Chastity asks looking at me.
The thing about Chasitity is that, she's nice, but behind those thick layer of that nice girl facade is something quite skewed. And up until now, I still don't know if I like her or not.
"Just getting some fresh air," I reply leaning my back against the bench as I cross my arms over my chest.
"Oh I see," she answers.
Silence followed us and I am not surprised by the outcome of this conversation. I never really know the words to say to prolong a conversation even before. I tried to come up with things just to not let the conversation drop, but as I went on living, I got tired of living up just to please everybody.
I got tired of trying to make people like me.
So instead of saying anything, I just let the atmosphere turn into an awkward and silent one and just hope that Chatity would just go home already.
Five minutes later and she did, but not before saying goodbye first and then she head off towards her direction.
And I'm still here wondering how am I supposed to get to my car now.
"Chast wait!"
I mentally groaned for sounding so needy but right now it's my only option. Fortunately enough, she turns around and waited for me until I reach her.
"Hey, why?" she asks and I prepare myself for a sweet but not-so-needy tone.
"Can you give me a ride?"
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Hey guysss 💝 Sorry i've been gone for what seems like forever. Sooo yes, here's an update and i'm actually hoping that u lovely people are still reading this. I haven't updated Goodbye Emiline and this one for like ages ago so I don't really know.
Anyway, I hope u all guys have a great weekdays ahead of u. And I hope you're all smiling and yes.
I haven't been checking my notifs and messages too i really am lazy.
