Loud Silence (A depression story)

Chapter Seven

I've always marvelled at how the darkness can change things. A sunny street, welcoming in the day's light; eerie and frightening come nightfall. Funny thing is, the same can be said for humans. We always prefer what we're shown at face value. The smiles, the laughs and bright eyes. What about when the light goes askew, and shadows are cast? When smiles turn to frowns, and laughs become silence and bright eyes let tears fall. When we're no longer beautiful, and our ugly sides show. Why are we suddenly deemed less valuable? Why are we suddenly avoided? When did we start believing that dark stars can't shine?

Skyy always shined in my eyes. He glowed, he was radiant. He smiled and laughed and his eyes crinkled at the corners as they sparkled with amusement. He had so much life in him, it felt unrealistic that so much life could simply vanish. I didn't want to, but as I walked down the dark streets of my town, I couldn't help but wonder if he was more truthful to strangers than to me; his own brother.

The streets were damp from the rain that seemed to cease momentarily, hopefully long enough to reach my destination. I watched with a bored stare as green lights turned to red, washing the streets with crimson. Like I said, everything feels different at night. Everything changes when the light is taken. A stranger could be a threat, a dark alley could be the home of monsters that keep children away and home safe with their night lights.

I smirked, lighting yet another cigarette. There's more frightening creatures in my mind.

That's just it, isn't it? It's not that we become reckless, or we don't understand the dangers of the world, but when you battle things that can't be seen--that you have truly no weapon against--day in and day out in your head, real life doesn't seem as frightening. I knew how to react if someone attacked me, I knew how to fix and heal any physical wound a person could give; but, I didn't know how to stop the thoughts that assaulted me at night, or how to close the wounds they inflicted.

I walked down the hall of the apartment complex, stopping at the door with a number four nailed on it. I knocked three times, the door opened before I could a fourth. "Who are you?"

She was blonde and her make up was heavy, but I guess she was kind of pretty, "Damien. Eli invited me."

Her blackened eyes looked me up and down, making me feel uncomfortable when they stopped anywhere for too long. I hated feeling like I was under the microscope. Being surrounded by cameras and a mother who deemed looks to be everything did that to you. Made you feel like an item--meant to be looked at, never heard. 

Don't complain, Skyy wasn't seen nor heard.  My thought whispered.

"I guess I can see why," She said, batting her lashes in a way that made me hold back a grimace. "He's out on the balcony I think."

Nodding a thanks, I left her and her creepy doe eyes behind and went in search of the boy who practically dared me to come. When my father found my room empty, I knew I'd be in for it. I just couldn't find it in me to give a damn. If he wanted to hurt me, I'd take it because I deserved it. For letting Skyy down--letting him fall apart right in front of me.

I shook my head clear of thoughts before stepping out on the balcony. There were too many people for my liking, and much too close, but eventually I squeezed past them all and was stood in front of Eli. He looked different than he did earlier. His formal clothing swapped for dark jeans and a black t-shirt. Odd, seeing as it's kind of chilly. His light brown hair messed and brushed out of his eyes that turned to bore into my own. In the dim lighting, the dark brown looked nearly black; and I hoped that's why a shiver ran down my spine.

"You came," was all he said, taking another pull off the smoke in his hand.

Shrugging, I reached out and took the cig, taking a drag as he stared in amusement, "You asked me to."