Joy & Difficulty.

Unhealthy Obsession

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IV

That Christmas of 1985 and New Years of '86 was one of the best of my entire life. I'd come over almost everyday and surprisingly he'd be there waiting. We'd spent almost every waking moment physically intertwined. It was a change from his constant business and work schedule at that time, I felt like I was number one in his world.

Unfortunately I wouldn't let him be number one in mine.

After New Years it was back to the same ole grind. One day, while I was busy at work or wherever I was, Prince had some movers go by my apartment and move all my things out into his condo.

When I'd went home that day to a completely empty apartment I thought I'd been robbed. Only to find out after speaking, to my landlord that  my rent had been paid, a whole year's worth. Whoever paid him negotiated to get me out of my contract on the spot. He said, the men who moved my things out gave him the money and an autographed Purple Rain Poster. I immediately knew who was behind it.

Even though I didn't want to live with him. I couldn't protest, because I'd already given him my word.

That's what I kept telling myself. I was there because I'd given him my word. When really, with my past boyfriends I'd totally disregarded my word to get away. What was so different with him?

Nothing, I'd been with wealthy men before.

Living with Prince was...physically gratifying. But he had his share of moody moments. The whole arrangement had me nervous everyday because I was a Christian. I'd sinned so much being with Prince that I'd stopped going to church completely.

I felt even worse because when I thought about going back, I knew I didn't want to. The truth was, I'd rather be with him than go to church.

Unhealthy Obsession

Unhealthy Obsession, is what my best friend, Sheila called it.

I still remember the day she introduced us like it was yesterday. He was a musician like her, she'd tell me all the time. At first I wasn't interested in meeting him just because I didn't have time, I was still dancing, professionally. She'd met him two years  before I did. One day I finally agreed to let her drag me to one of his shows in 1980.

I remember thinking how unusual he was for a black man. Or at least different from the other black men in my life. I finally got the courage to ask him was he gay after knowing him for two years. His answer basically fucked with my mind, like everything else he did.

"People usually write me off as being gay, cause they don't understand me."

Was all he said, I was even more confused than before. I was never convinced by the people around him who said he was straight. I judged based off my eyes alone.

I wouldn't know for sure until he called me up on stage in 1983 and sucked my nipple. Did I know he was about to do that? No. Of course not, but I sure learned not to go back on stage if he ever beckoned me again.

The hardest thing about living with my obsession was lying to the people I loved. Since Prince and I are on totally different schedules, I often ended up having to settle for whenever he wasn't working. Meaning I saw my family less and less. My Grandma thought I was the most wicked thing on this side of the universe.  She would make it her 'm.o.' to tell me just how bad I was sinning.