Not Twilight (a parody)

Chapter One: Moving

"Shut up!!" I yelled to the people behind me. That baby had been screaming for the past two minutes and I was trying to read Southwest airlines magazine. I hated airplanes. But I was finally leaving Pheonix for a colder, smaller, unfriendlier town because my mom was too stubborn to let me travel with her and her new husband, Phillicus.

"We will be landing in 15 mintues, please fasten your seatbelts." Said the oddly deep voice.

"Uggh!" I shouted. The girl next to me looked up from her DVD player.

"What?" I asked. she looked down again. I ripped my carry on up from under the seat and pulled out my peanut butter and a spoon. I took a huge bite and shoved the open peanut butter can back into the backpack. 

When the plane landed I got off. When I got off I was in the airport. When I was in the airport I looked for my dad. 

As soon as I saw his mustache I ran for him, knocking down a small child in the proccess.

"Hey Bells!" He said when he saw me. My real name is Bella but he's my daddy so he's allowed to call me whatever he wants.

"Hi, Dad." I said. Then we hugged. I bet he felt like he was hugging a celeberity. 

"I got you a graduation present." He said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small blue and pink yo-yo.

"WOW! thanks, Dad." I said. The whole car ride home he tried to make a conversation with me but I listened to music and ignored him because listening to the same old songs over and over again was much more interesing than catching up with your father that you haven't seen in years. I used to spend almost two weeks here every summer when I was little.

"Oh yeah, and I also got you that piece of crap truck!" He said with a smile.

"Thanks, where did you get it?" I asked hoping that he would mention someone that will later in the story end up being a third wheel so that this series can keep selling t shirts.

"Oh, uhh... I found it. Just don't worry about it." He said with the smile wiped off his face. 

I ran inside, and up the stairs so I could jump on the bed. 

"Wait Bella, you forgot your bags!!" Charlie shouted behind me.

"Oh yeah, will you get those for me?" I asked through the window. I didn't stick around to see his reaction. I went right up and started jumping on the purple comforter.

"Weee!!!" I shouted as I ran out of breath. I looked around the room. It looked exactly as it had when I was little. I'm so much more mature now, I thought to myself when suddenly I got my feet tangled in the sheets and tripped down onto the floor.

"Owww!! Dadddyyyy!!!" I shouted as my face turned red. I could feel the tears coming on. Charlie ran in and set my bags down.

"I'll get you a bandaid!" He said as he walked toward the bathroom. He came back with a Finding Nemo bandaid.

"I wanna peel the sticky part off the back!" I shouted, and wiped the one fake tear from my face. He handed me the bandaid and I put it right on my knee. 

"Thank you, Dad." I said as I got back up and tried to kept my cool by not taking his hand to help me off my feet. 

"I'll help you unpack." He said, already unzipping my suitcase.

"No you won't", I said, taking it from him. I laid out all the clothes on the bed and decided which ones were going to go in the bigger, more important drawers and witch ones were not. 

"Tonight we're going to have dinner at a local diner. They have really good food and the people there are really nice at least to me because I'm the cheif of police and if their not I will gladly arrest them."

"Okay." I shrugged. I put on a jacket because it was cold outside and that's what you do when it's cold. then I put on my tennis shoes which are actually spelled a lot differently than they sound. 

"Okay, let's go." I said and he smiled. 

We drove to the diner in silence. Charlie hovers like a cloud, which means on the good days, he'll leave you alone and that's what makes the days so good.

We got to the diner and were seated immediatley. I noticed as we walked around town that everybody seemed to know Charlie which pretty much made me the popular-new-girl-cheif-of-police-daughter-in-the-small-town-but-really-popuar-because-everybody-knows-she's-coming type.

"Hey you must be Bella Swan!" Said a man wearing hunting gear in the booth across from us. Charlie smiled, clearly proud to have a famous person for a daughter. 

"Bella, you remember Waylon?" Charlie asked.

"Oh sure, I'll sign your book!!" I exclaimed. I was very glad he wanted me to. I took the book out of his hand and took a pen from my purse.

"Wait, I don't need you to-" He began.

"And who shall I make this out to?" I interrupted. Another fan question could have been avoided. I began to write.

"Wait that's a library book!" He shouted.

"To my biggest fan, love Bella." I repeated slowly as I wrote the words. I handed it back to him and put the pen in my purse. I bet I just made that guy's day. 

After I finished my garden burger and my dad finished his steak, I ragged on him for eating too much steak even though I've only eaten one meal with him since I've been here.

"I'm as healthy as a donkey." He'd say.

"What are we doing tomorrow, Dad?" I asked.

"You are beginning your first day at a new school. I chose your school very wisely knowing that there would be a lot of annoying people there except for one family with a mysterious boy that you are destined to have an unheard of relationship with resulting in a four book and five movie franchise." He said, then took another bite of steak.

"Sounds fun." I said.

On the way home, I fell asleep in the car. Even though I was awake when we pulled into the driveway, I made him carry me up the stairs to my bedroom. Then I fell asleep in my clothes.