My Forever (OLD)

Eleven: Goodbye is the Hardest Part

Parker

My prediction of the outcome of our passionate night together was completely off. Two weeks had now passed since I had initially arrived in Hawaii, and I was growing tired. Tired of waiting on someone who didn’t even know if I was their soul mate.

Saying goodbye was getting harder every time we parted. I didn’t know if she was leaving to see Lee and if that time would be the defining moment when she would cut ties with me altogether. In any case, I was terribly depressed.

The only thing I could think of to cheer me up was being around family. I didn’t want to leave without Madalynne; for fear that she would never follow. But it was getting harder to justify why I was still in Kauai--why I was putting all my time and energy into something that would never come to fruition.

I had excitedly gone out and preemptively bought a ring after leaving Montana, thinking that if I could make her fall in love with me again—hey, it sounded easier than it was—that she would accept my proposal and we could return to Oregon happier than ever…but as time went on I began to have doubts about the future I longed for.

The hardest part was not knowing how she was feeling. I used to be able to read her like a book…but now all I saw was foreign writing. Thoughts of her with Lee consumed my every thought; clouding my judgment.

Madalynne had come down with more than a mild cold and I had been attempting to take care of her for days, but she had only been accepting my phone calls, not my visits. After the third day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to do it this way, with her sick and all, but I felt trapped, like I had no other choice. So I packed my bag, checked out of my hotel, and drove to Madalynne’s in a downpour with a heavy heart.

When I arrived, I hesitantly got out of my rental car. I knew with each passing step, it would be moments closer to me losing Madalynne again, and this time, could be forever. I was not looking forward to it. So even though I was being pelted in the face by rain and my clothes drenched, I didn’t care. Before I even got a chance to knock, I saw the door swing open and Madalynne grabbed me by my soaked collar and pulled me inside.

She was surprised by my appearance at her door; I was surprised by her appearance in general.

“I know you haven’t wanted to see me because you’ve been sick,” I averted her eyes, shifting mine around the room, “But I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Just saying the words was like a punch in the gut to me.

“Umm, what?” She stuttered, before a coughing spell took her over.

Instantly feeling terrible for putting her through this, I hurriedly ran to grab a blanket off the back of the couch and proceeded to wrap it around her shoulders, before helping her back to the couch to sit. “I’m sorry to do this to you, in the state you’re in, but it’s been eating at me for the past couple of weeks. I know I promised you a month, and I am not one to break a promise, but I can’t Madalynne.” I was not an emotional person, at least not in front of anyone, so when a tear trickled down my face, I felt my most vulnerable.

“What are you saying?” She asked, visibly shaken.

I took her face into my hands then, gently caressing it. “I love you. I always have, always will. But the fact that you so easily fell for someone else and still are as confused as you are; is proof,” I sighed lightly. “As much as it pains me to say this, maybe we aren’t soul mates. I can’t even begin to describe to you how much it hurts me to know you are still seeing him as often as you see me. How much it kills me to think of his lips on yours…” I couldn’t even finish, the thought of it, choked me up.

“Parker, don’t do this, please,” Madalynne quickly grabbed my hand in hers, squeezing it lightly, “Please, just give me a little more time, I promise I will get you an answer.” She was crying then, literally sobbing. I felt like the most evil person on the face of the planet. I never wanted to hurt Madalynne. I never intended to hurt Madalynne. Fuck, I never wanted to lose Madalynne. But I was losing her, for the second time. And it hurt just as bad, if not worse.