As You Are (Kim Taehyung Story)

Chapter 17

My hands are trembling, my heart is beating so fast and I am covered with fear. I don't know what to do. I am seated in the waiting room, alone, trembling in fear. I hugged myself but that isn't helping. I have called Taehyung but he is yet to be here. I shouldn't have called out for Jooheon to asked him to stop walking. Well, at least, I should be aware of the surrounding. My carelessness has hurt Jooheon. He is lying, motionless on the hospital bed, covered in bruises and stitches. There's nothing that goes into my mind except for wanting Jooheon to wake up and say that he's fine. I want to apologise to him. I want him to know that I still need him in my life. 

The door was slowly opened. I ran up as soon as I saw Taehyung entering the room. I ran and cried in his arms. He held me tightly and told me that everything's gonna be okay but I know that it is not going to be okay. Jooheon is going to hate me. 

"What am I suppose to do now?! He is going to hate me. He won't be able to forgive me, not at all. I know Jooheon so well. I know he won't let it go that easily!" I cried more. 

Taehyung hugged me tighter and said "It is not your fault.. Stop crying alright?"

I stayed at the hospital, waiting for Jooheon to wake up. I asked Taehyung to go home but he insisted on staying with me. We both fall asleep at the waiting room, me in his arms. Few hours later, a nurse came and wake us up to inform us that Jooheon has waken up. With nervous little steps, I walk slowly into Jooheon's room, Taehyung walked a little behind me. I took a deep breath and entered the room. It was only Jooheon and I being in the room. He didnt even turn to look at me. 

"Hey... It's me. I am really about what happened. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have lied to you. This is all my fault. I am so sorry..." I lowered down my head, nervous about how Jooheon would react. 

"Go" 

"W-what?"

"I said, go. Leave me alone. I don't want to see you"

"Jooheon... How could you say that... to me? Are you seriously gonna be like this just because of something so small?" Right then, I realised that I've said the wrong thing because the next thing I know, Jooheon blew up at me. 

"SMALL? You call this getting mad over something small? Is almost getting killed considered as something small to you?! Do I really mean nothing to you?! Has this been always how you thought of me? Wow, I can't believe this"

"That's not what I meant!"

"AND THAT IS ALWAYS YOUR EXCUSE. You kept saying thats not what you meant but when you say it,  you sounded like you really mean it"

"I really don't.."

"Get out"

I refused to. My heart breaks into pieces. I started to cry. 

"Save you tears and get out, now. And don't ever come back" Jooheon said and looked away. 

My best friend, just chased me out. Not only from the room, but from his life too. Only god knows how broken my heart was at that point of time. I've never thought that this could happen. Never once, did it even ever cross my mind that we would quarrel this badly. I looked out the door where Taehyung was and he gestured me to leave the room. I took one last look at Jooheon, who didn't even spare a glance at me. I lowered down my head and exited the room. 

"What happened in there? Why are you crying so much?!" Taehyung asked as he held on to my shoulder.

Right after I told him what Jooheon said, Taehyung wanted to go in and confront Jooheon but I stopped him as I don't want things to get worst. 

Taehyung took a deep breath before continuing. "It's okay.. Maybe he just needs time, alright? Everything will be fine, eventually. You need to be strong okay? I'll be here" He hugged me and we left the hospital with a heavy heart. 

"Tae..." I stopped.

Taehyung turned around and waited for what I'm wanted to say.

"I think, i think its best if we, don't meet for the time being"

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. I don't think I'll be okay for the time being and I don't want it to affect you, to affect us.."

"What are you talking about? I am not going to leave you alone. I'm sorry but i've promised myself that I will take care of you, to be by your side no matter what"

"Please understand me Taehyung!"

"No. Its you that needs to understand yourself. You need to realise that you can't possible push anyone and everyone away whenever you have a problem. Avoiding people and isolating yourself won't make anything better. You need to have someone by your side during these difficult times and I want to be that person. I want to help make things better for you. I want to protect you. I want to make you feel that you are never alone in this world"

I couldnt find any words to say. 

"I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. Look, its been a long day for you and you've been through a lot. Let me take you home and get some rest okay?" 

I just nod and he took my hand as we walked back home. I don't know what to think or feel. I looked at how our fingers are intertwined. How warm his hands were. How his hands were wrapped perfectly around mine. I want to be alone but at the same time, I feel like I need Taehyung.  Hyejin, what is it that you really want?