Crossroads

Words are only painted fire - a look is the fire itself

Song : Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds - I Let Love In 

I stayed rooted to my seat at the windowsill. I was comfortable here and I wanted him to find me. I was curious as to why he was back early. Did Pierce have something to do with it? I'm sure that he was obliged to give him a report of my whereabouts and today I had broke the routine of the last ten days, not that I had done anything worth mentioning.

I heard the door closing, followed by his footsteps as he was climbing up the stairs and closer to me. I was suddenly feeling anxious, both from the need to see him and the conversation that I would initiate. There was no way around this, this had to be resolved and I still had a ton of questions that were left answered from previous actions and talks.

He came into my room and stood at the door frame, taking me in. I was pressed against the side of the window and my bare legs were stretched in front of me, making a little arc and pushing my shorts a little higher. I felt his eyes, roaming the length of my legs and coming up to my face. Little green specks appeared into his gaze. Good, he liked what he saw. It gave my ego a boost, this conversation would have more than one level.

"What are you doing here all alone, I thought you would be at the pack house?" his voice was a mixture of curious and concerned.

"I didn't feel like going today, I wanted some time on my own." My answer made him frown and he stepped into the room, taking a seat on my bed." How come you're back early?" my eyes were looking directly to him, stealing a few peaks at his muscles as he put his hands on his knees, leaning towards my direction. My wolf was licking her jaws, she liked that he was so near to us, wanting to close the distance between us. I reined her in, I needed to focus. She huffed but complied, settling back on her hind and letting me deal with this. Hopefully, we would both get what we wanted.

"I wanted to surprise you, everything was taken care of yesterday but I was needed in town this morning for the payments. I knew I would be back early and I hoped I would have lunch with you and spend the rest of the day together. Pierce told me you stayed here."

"I see" my gaze drifted outside.

"Vivian, what's wrong? Did someone made you feel uncomfortable?" I wanted to say yes, you did but it wasn't entirely the truth. I turned my attention to him, I had to phrase this the right way, I didn't want to sound too clingy or like a nagging girlfriend.

"Ian, everyone has been wonderful and welcoming, I couldn't hope for a better introduction to your pack and I truly appreciate it but I can't help but wonder, is this the life that you have in mind for us if we complete the bond? You being gone for the majority of the day and me here, waiting with the rest of the females while we feed and take care of pack members? I'm not underestimating the value of this and I understand that you have a responsibility towards the pack and I admire your dedication but I can't stop feeling like I'm alone in this and it doesn't quite fit me. I would like to do more than just being...here, if that is the correct phrase for it and I would like to be able to visit the town, whenever I chose to. I took a chance in coming here with you and I'm willing to give my best so we can make the right choice at the end but I'm starting to think that maybe you weren't quite ready yet. I want to be able to be satisfied with what I'm doing and to feel at ease with you. I'm beginning to think that there are things that you have left out. I might be jumping to conclusions and it has been only two weeks, that's why I want to hear how you feel about all this." I finished what I had to say, feeling that my mouth had gone a little dried and hoping that he understood what I wanted to say.

His expression wasn't really giving me anything and that didn't help much. I tried to get a reading from the bond but he wasn't giving any strong feelings and my wolf was quiet and calm, I guess his wolf was too. That was good, I suppose.