Family Guy/Daria/American Dad: Of Another Man's Guitar

OF ANOTHER MAN’S GUITAR

                                                    A Daria/Family Guy/American Dad Crossover

                                                                    Written by Patrick Moore

NOTE: This story takes place a few weeks after the Family Guy episode “And Then There Were Fewer” and “I’m Joyce Kidney.”

(We open with the usual Daria opening, as we soon cut to the opening to Family Guy.  We now see the words “Of Another Man’s Guitar” on the screen.)

(We soon hear voice actor, Kevin Michael Richardson doing the disclaimer from the first episode of Clerks: The Animated Series)

                                                                           ACT ONE

(We open at the Hard Rock Café in New York at midnight, as we see some dark figures break in the café.  We see some famous memorabilia from popular rock stars, and then we cut to a guitar.)

CROOK 1: Dude, found it!

CROOK 2: Good, now let’s get out of here!

(We see them take the guitar, as they run off into the night.)

(Cut to Quahog, Rode Island, as we see reporters Tom Tucker and Joyce Kidney in front on some parade floats.)

TOM TUCKER: Welcome to the Quahog Founders Day Parade.  I’m Tom Tucker.

JOYCE KIDNEY: And I’m Joyce Kidney.  Tom, this is my first Quahog parade.  What can we expect on this great day?

TOM TUCKER: Well, Joyce, we got a lot of floats, a bimbo for a town queen, and a grand marshal who no one gives a…

JOYCE KIDNEY: Tom, that grand marshal is Chuck Norris.

TOM TUCKER: He’s still around?

JOYCE KIDNEY: Yes.

TOM TUCKER: What happened to James Woods?

JOYCE KIDNEY: He was murdered by your former partner, Diane Simmons a few weeks ago.

TOM TUCKER: Who’s Dianne Simmons?

(Joyce sighs, as we cut to the Griffin family outside their house sitting in lawn chairs.)

LOIS: Isn’t this great, Peter?  Seeing the floats up close and seeing Chuck Norris as the grand marshal.

PETER: He’s still around?

(Lois nods.)

PETER: Crud, I wanted Weird Al.

(Meg spots Connie DeMico on a float dressed as a Queen.)

MEG: Why is Connie get to be queen every year?

CHRIS: Maybe she…

LOIS: Don’t think about it, Chris.  That snot is going to pay.

(Connie sees Meg, as she gives her the finger that is blurred out by the censors.)

MEG: That witch!!!

(Meg runs up to Connie and beats the tar out of her.)

LOIS: Holy crap!  Meg’s gone gangster again!

PETER: That’s my line, Lois.

LOIS: Sorry, Peter, but look at Meg slapping some snot out of that rich brat.

(Lois and Peter take off their shirts to show black NWO shirts, as we hear the NWO theme play in the background.)

CHRIS: ECW! ECW! ECW!

(Scene changes to City Hall where the Griffins are in the offices of Mayor Adam West.  West is seen coming out of the bathroom.)

MAYOR WEST: I can’t believe what just happened today.

LOIS: We’re sorry, Mayor West, it’s just that Meg…

MAYOR WEST: I was talking about Chuck Norris is still alive after that cameo in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.  I loved that Ben Stiller movie.

(Peter shutters.)

MAYOR WEST: I’ve decided to send Meg to a better place, until she can control her anger issues.

PETER: Pee Wee’s Playhouse?

LOIS: Be serious, Peter.

MAYOR WEST: I have an old friend who can help Meg for a week in a town called Lawndale.  By the time he gets done with Meg, she’ll be a better person.

MEG: Mayor West, I’m fine.

MAYOR WEST: You should have thought of that before attacking Miss DeMico, young lady.

LOIS: Don’t worry, Honey, you’ll be fine.

PETER: While you’re gone, I’ll find your replacement of loser female cartoon characters that haven’t been doing much.

MEG AND LOIS: What?!

PETER: Nothing.

(Cut to various female cartoon characters in line at the Griffin house where Stewie and Brian are looking at their quest for Meg’s replacement.)

BRIAN: Next!

(We see Velma Dinkley from Scooby-Doo walk in.  Velma is in her 2011 animation style from the current series.)

VELMA: I’m here for the Meg job.

STEWIE: Here’s your script, and Quagmire will be playing the role of Peter.

QUAGMIRE: You know I don’t do kids very well.

BRIAN: Quagmire, just read the lines.

VELMA: Jinkies, Dad, it’s the Creeper!

BRIAN: Cut!  Jinkies??? Meg doesn’t say Jinkies.

VELMA: The word fits me.  Deal with it.

STEWIE: (To Brian.) This Velma sounds like that fat chick from the Facts of Life, when George Clooney didn’t stink. (To Velma.) Thank you, and don’t come again.

(Velma leaves, as we see Irma from TMNT walk in.)

IRMA: (Looks at Quagmire.)  Hello, Nurse.

QUAGMIRE: Did this babe just do an Animaniacs reference at me?

BRIAN: Yep.

QUAGMIRE: Gigity!  Gigity!

(Quagmire locks lips with Irma, with Brain and Stewie in shock.)

STEWIE: (To Camera.) This is going to be a long episode.  (Gives us the TV remote.) Change it to Phineas and Ferb, or some awful Disney Channel show that isn’t as bad as Hannah Montana.

(Cut to a black van driving on the highway, as we see inside Todd from Beavis and Butt-Head holding the stolen guitar from the beginning of the episode.)

TO BE CONTINUED….