SACRILEGIOUS: Confessions of a Roman Catholic Seminarian

Chapter VIII: Confessions

Robert spent the last couple days exchanging texts messages with Jake, the turmoil surrounding Fr. Virgil only seemed to be growing by the day. Three people had come forward accusing Fr. Virgil of sexually abusing them, among them was a one of Jake's family friend. Robert had seen how all week Jake had been battling argument after argument over social media, fighting with sword and shield to protect the little credibility his patron still held. Jake was suffering, the evening he had informed Jake of the news he seemed a cadaver. He sat motionless listening carefully to every word Robert spoke, afraid that he would miss the smallest piece of information.

Sadly, for Jake, there was nothing he could physically do to help his friend, Fr. Virgil. Robert had hope to become Jake's greatest support during this difficult time, yet it seemed that Jake had withdrew more into himself for the rest of the week. Outside of texting him, Robert had not seen him since the previous Sunday. He knew Robert would be praying, Jake, had the habit of withdrawing into deep periods of solitary prayer whenever he faced difficulty.

As much Robert wanted to see Jake this weekend, he could not, the St. Joseph's Seminary was hosting over fifty men for its annual "Come and See Retreat." Each year the seminary and its feeder diocese would send men interested in the priesthood to St. Joseph's for a weekend. The weekend served as a three-day long sales pitch to these men, for an entire weekend they would live, pray, study and go to mass with other seminarians, socialize with them, and if they were serious enough decided whether or not they really wanted to attend seminary and become priests.

The seminary only welcomed men whom had been recommended by their home diocese, no freeloaders were accepted. For discerning men this opportunity to breath in seminary air, was comparable to meeting the pope. Often on these retreats were filled with overly sentimental men, whom all came with the lofty idea of being St. Francis and radically changing the Church. In house seminarians, detested this weekend, since all seminarians were required to be in house and help man the event.

This was the second year that Robert had to work the lobby table, welcoming men into the seminary, giving them their badge, and showing them to their room. This was the only night when the three hundred room building was ever filled to capacity. It was a huge fundraiser for the seminary, because, if a man decided to enter seminary his home diocese would pay the seminary it's forty thousand a year tuition for course of studies. After all, prayers do not pay a professor's salary nor do they buy food, or pay the bills.

Once his ecclesiology class had finished, Robert, ran up to the third floor of the building to his room. Located on the southern wing of the seminary it faced the main façade, two large windows let ample light into his room, he opened them to let in some fresh air. Below in the front parking lot, a car unknown to him had parked on his spot, every seminarian was assigned a parking spot, however, on this weekend all car-owning-seminarians would park their cars in the back lot near the pool to allow their guest easy access in case they wanted to run out in the middle of the night.

Guest would begin arriving at three thirty, giving him just enough time to change into a fresh shirt before heading down to his table on the lobby. Robert had always been stout, thankfully for him his black clerical shirts hid the extra plumpness seminary food had helped him gain. He picked his best shirt, changed his socks, applied deodorant, and finally washed his face in his bathroom before slamming his door shut.

The dorms in the southern wing were always empty, no one wanted to sleep in or near it, in the late forties a seminarian had jumped from his room's window and died. Seminarians over the years had claimed to have seen a wondering unknown seminarian wondering the hallway of the southern wing. Robert had never seen the ghost of the fabled seminarian, nor was he sacred of it, he like the privacy and silence of having no neighbors around him.