SACRILEGIOUS: Confessions of a Roman Catholic Seminarian

Chapter XIV: Orthodoxy

"That was amazing Jake!"

"You really liked it? Or are you just telling me that to be nice?"

"Would I ever lied to you? Wait never mind better not answer that!"

"You're hilarious."

"So what's the plan now?" asked Mark giving Jake a mischievous glare.

"Well I have to go pee, then we can leave. Tomorrow is Saturday and I have a busy day at the parish."

"You're no fun sometimes you know?!" Replied back Mark sarcastically.

Jake only smiled it off and headed towards the restrooms where there was already a long line of men waiting for relief. The cocktails he had drunk earlier were about to rip his bladder apart, the pained swelled up on his groin until it came his turn to use a stall since all urinals were taken.

Finally inside the stall he was able to relive himself of the pressure, yet he was not the only one, from the neighboring stall a weak and flaccid squirt of urine baptized his shoe. Its owner obviously unable to hit his target had all but urinated on Jake's left shoe and leg.

"HEY WATCH IT, WHATS THE MATTER WITH YOU!" Shouted out Jake furiously banging on the dividing metal wall. He received no answer, no apology, only a second squirt of deep orange urine peek once more into his leg. Jake zipped up his pants and recomposed himself storming out of the stall and flinging the door of his neighbor open to protest.

In the stall a man barely standing waddle in attempts to hit his target; the toilet bowl.

"Hey! You! Turn around! You own me an apology." Shouted Jake to the man. All the other men in the restroom went on their business as usual.

"I'm talking to you!" 

The man finally turned around after zipping up his pants and half tucking in his shirt. His blazer was on the floor covered in urine and toilet water.

"Oh Mr. O'Brien that's not..not a way to talk to your rector." replied the man, who was non other than Father Gerald Berthold, President and Rector of St. Joseph's Seminary. Jake froze with shock and fear. This man despite being drowned in alcohol was his superior. He had heard Fr. Berthold had a drinking problem, in fact a lot of priest did, but most kept their drinking in private and never dare appear public intoxicated, lets they end up like Archbishop Cordeleone one who got arrested for drunk driving.   

"Can you help me out Jake my boy?" He asked barely able to balance himself. Jake immediately reached out to him offering him a shoulder to lean on.

"Wait, my jacket, blazer is in there."

"Its covered in urine Father, I'm not picking that up." replied Jake both embarrassed and shamed of this man whom he was now helping out of the restroom.

"Who are you here with? How much have you drunk?"

"I only had like two tonight Jake my boy." More like two gallons  Jake thought. "You look very handsome tonight Mr. O'Brien whos the lucky one?" asked Fr. Berthold a wiry smile on his lips. Jake did not answered, and ignored the presumptuous look.

"Father who did you come tonight? Who is taking you back to seminary?" asked Jake, although internally wishing he had not asked that question.

"Well...the train took me here. Oh would you look at that I still have chocolates in my pocket! Want one O'Brien?" Fr. Berthold was obsessed with chocolates as his weight witnessed, he always carried a stash of them wherever he went in order to nibble at them. The chocolate he offered Jake was soaked in a strange liquid, that although it was not urine, was likely to be sweat.