The Victor

5

The doorman escorts me silently to Finnick's apartment. My tongue is lead in my mouth; I couldn't speak if I tried. When we reach the skyscraper of a building, all lit up gold and green, I nod my thanks to the man.The elevator that carries me up to the top floor of the apartment is silent. I can hear my ragged breaths. The elevator makes a ding when the doors open. I walk to the door and push the key into the lock. Once inside, I lock the door behind me.The apartment is luxurious and very large. There's a spiral staircase leading to the second floor and the glass windows stretching from ceiling to floor show the Capitol in all its shining glory.Feeling cut-off and numb, I stumble up to the grand bedroom. Unlike the rest of the apartment, this has touches of the sea, in the seashell on the bedside table, the blue sheets all mussed on the bed. Even the air smells ever so slightly of salt, as if this in the only room Finnick ever visits.I curl up amongst the massive pillows, afraid that if I close my eyes I'll wake up with that man hulking over me, or worse, with the smell of roses and blood replacing the salty sea.Somehow I manage to fall asleep surrounded by comforting darkness. When I wake up, it's to the sound of the front door opening. I jerk up, my heart pounding, before realizing it's probably just Finnick, returning home.I stand up as a figure stumbles up the stairs. I shrink against the wall as he walks past me drunkenly, heading for the bathroom. He doesn't even seem to see me. He flicks the dim light on and I notice a dark stain spreading across the crisp whiteness of his shirt. I walk cautiously towards him as, with shaking fingers, he unbuttons the shirt and lets it fall in a heap to the cold tile floor."Finnick." I say softly, and his head shoots up in a panic before he relaxes."Hey Pipes." He says hoarsely, and I get closer. Dark liquid is crusted to his neck, dripping down his back and chest.I wet one of the washcloths and begin dabbing away the blood. "What happened?" I ask, picturing the man who attacked me coming back for revenge.Finnick smiles wryly. "The woman I was with tonight had sharp teeth." He's out of it, dazed, and his words slur together.My stomach rolls and I press my lips together to keep bile from rising in my throat as I keep wiping away the now dry blood. Slowly, it comes away, but Finnick is in another world, and I begin to notice the bruises on his torso, fingernail marks around his wrists. My throat closes again as wordlessly I turn on the shower. Finally, he comes to his senses enough to keep undressing. I move back to the bed and listen to the water running. Finally, he comes back out, dressed in fresh clothes that are loose fitting, comfortable. He looks slightly more aware."You should, um, get that looked at." I say softly, and he feels his neck before shrugging."It's nothing. Are you okay?" He sits next to me on the bed, and I look down at my knees."You just got beaten and bitten by some Capitol woman and you're wondering if I'm okay." I say with a small smile that I don't mean."We're friends, aren't we?" Finnick says in that hollow, half-dreaming voice that tells me he's not completely aware right now. He sounds better, like he's recovering, but I can't bear what he's said in his lucid state, not enough even to try to spare his feelings."You don't want to be my friend, trust me." I say, standing up and walking away from him. The steam from the shower has warmed up the room, but it's not the reason I'm sweating. My heart refuses to stop hammering away at my ribs."Piper, what is it?" Finnick hasn't moved, but he watches me carefully. "Is this about Magnus?"Something about that name makes me crack."He was the one to beat." I say to him, desperate to make him understand. "He was the one to beat until he met me. I killed him. Don't get close to me, Finnick. I'll only destroy you. In one way or another, I wreck every person I'm close to."Finnick moves to me, and I don't have the strength to stop him from grabbing my arms, holding me still. "Piper, look at me. Look at me."I look at him, and I see the shadows in his eyes, echoing mine. "You can't hurt me anymore than they already have." He says softly."You should hate me. You should despise me for killing him. I despise myself." I breathe out into the air."Piper, you didn't kill him. The Capitol did. It's not your fault.""Why?" I say, my eyes searching his face. "Why do you want to be my friend? Why are you helping me?"He releases me then to sit back down on the bed. "Because I think you need someone. And I need someone too."I don't answer, and he continues. "Piper, you're stronger than I ever was. President Snow is trying to break you, and he'll keep trying, but I don't think he can. Not unless you let him."I close my eyes, letting his words sink in completely."I think it takes a lot of bravery to sacrifice yourself for the people you love, if that means anything." I say and I feel his smile.I sit on the bed next to him and we stare at the opposite wall in silence."I think I need you too." I hear myself saying. "I think I need a friend.""That's the spirit." He says exhaustedly, and somehow the words tear a burst of laughter out of me. It's been so long since I've genuinely laughed that the sound takes me by surprise.Thank you for reminding me I'm still alive.In the morning, I get ready to leave for the train station. Finnick's bite mark looks even worse in daylight, but he brushes it off again."This time, actually call." He tells me as I step out of his front door."Don't worry, I will." I say with a smile."Next time, don't worry about finding a place to stay. I'm always here.""I'm sure I'll be back." Both our smiles turn a little sad.I'm about to leave when he says, "Oh! Do you need my number again?""Uh, I sort of memorized it. Figured it might come in handy."His next smile is so wide and genuine I feel warm inside my lungs. "Yeah?""Until next time, Mr. Odair." I say formally, joking around."I'm already counting the minutes, my lady." He gives me a mock bow and one of his overly seductive smiles, and I laugh as I walk to the elevator.It's nice to be reminded of the simple fact that I'm not a prisoner. I have freedom. I might be stitched together with string and phoenix feathers, but I'm still breathing. I can still laugh. I have a friend, who's just as stitched together as me. I may have forgotten, but now I remember.No one owns me but me.