The Victor

6

It's been two months since my last invitation to the Capitol. Haymitch doesn't know the bad that happened there, but I told him the good. I think he knows that there's something more, but for now he's placated by the story of Finnick Odair letting me sleep in his apartment and the guilt over his anger when I told him I was leaving. The day I returned, he was about as sober as Haymitch gets and greeted me with a warm hug.I talk to Finnick more often than I should, but it's easy and carefree and helps me forget, albeit temporarily, about the coming Games. We call each other at all hours of the day, a steadying and supporting hand. It's nice to know there's someone I can bare everything too in a way I can't to anyone else.The idea that President Snow will somehow discover Peeta still wakes me in the middle of the night with cold sweat bathing my body. I visit him once a month only and stay for only a few minutes. Those few minutes are the best of my life.It's just another day when the phone in my office rings. I answer it right away."Hello?" I ask, and I hear a rattling breath."Pipes?" It's Finnick, and his voice is ragged, like he's panting. Or crying."Finnick, what's wrong?" I ask, not sure what to think, or what to do. My hands pressed the phone tightly to my ear."I – I need you." He is crying, his words choked by tears. "I need you here, p-please.""Okay, I'll be there in a day, okay?" I say soothingly. "Finnick, hang on, okay?"There's another shaky breath. "Piper, I can't do it, I can't –""Yes, you can!" I say loudly, and I flinch at the sound of my own harsh voice."Finnick, please stay." I say softly. "Please don't leave me."There's a long pause, and then a whisper. "Okay."I hang up the phone reluctantly and quickly write a note to Haymitch. I leave it on his chest while he sleeps. He doesn't even move.Then it's a quick car ride to the train station and I'm on my way.I arrive at Finnick's apartment at nighttime the next day. I flip down my hood that hides my features, not wanting to be noticed by the Capitol citizens around me. The elevator ride is tense. I haven't slept in thirty-six hours. I'm terrified I'll walk in to find him already gone.I open the door with the key he gave me on the night I first really considered him a friend. My hand hesitates on the doorknob. I don't want to be too late. So I twist the door open and step into the pitch-black apartment. The lights flicker on automatically."Finnick?" I call out, my voice echoing in the empty chamber. There isn't an answer and my fear turns to panic.I take the spiraling stairs to the bedroom two at a time, bursting into the room."Finnick!" I exclaim, and I hear a sigh.He on the bed, I can finally see that, curled up in the middle of the mattress under a mound of blankets and pillows. I can just see a spray of bronze hair on the white sheets."You came." He says softly, and I move to his side, sitting on the side of the bed. His eyes open slowly, meeting mine."Of course I came." I say softly, unwilling to look away because he's so exhausted-looking it's like he's sinking into his bed, never to return."I didn't think you were.""Finnick, please tell me what's going on. What happened?" I ask, and he extends a little. I see his feet poke out of the opposite end of the bed."Not yet." He says softly. "I don't want to talk about it yet.""Okay." I say, and I lean down close to his face. "That's okay."He slowly begins spreading out from his clenched little ball. I see the hollow he's made in the sheets disappearing as his entire face emerges, his limbs extend. His hand finds my arm and I grasp it gently. Slowly, he sits up, the sheets falling around him. He looks as healthy as ever, but his eyes don't move from mine."Finnick, it's okay, I'm here now." I say slowly, sitting cross-legged in front of him."It's not okay, Pipes." He says, shaking his head. "It's so not okay." His hand tightens on mine so much I nearly wince."I know." I say. "You've just got to get moving again. How about a shower? The water will feel good. You love the water."He nods, and I move away, releasing his hand. It shoots for my wrist, gripping it tightly."You're not leaving, are you?" He asks desperately."No, I'm not leaving." I say gently, and he stands, following me to the bathroom like a child.I wait just outside until he gets out, a towel wrapped around him. His wet hair drips down his nose and back."I'm sorry, Pipes." He says when he sees me. "I didn't mean to scare you." He quickly pulls a shirt on and I look away while he pulls on pants."I don't care." I say, and he sits on the bed next to me. "I don't mind if you scare me as long as it means I won't lose you."I can tell he's not completely recovered from whatever happened, but he lies down in his bed, pulling a pillow behind his head and covering himself with a sheet."I'm going to go to sleep downstairs, okay?" I say to him gently and he closes his eyes.I begin to move towards the door when he says, "Please stay with me."I turn back around and hesitate before nodding. "Of course."I slip under the sheet, facing him. His breathing is steady, like a rock, and soon I can feel myself matching it."Thanks, Pipes." He breathes out as his eyes close. I turn onto my other side and his arm snakes around my waist. My hand grips his tightly and for the first time in months, as I share in his warmth, I feel safe in the dark.I wake up in the morning to find Finnick taking up most of the space on the bed, sprawled peacefully on top of the covers. I slide from the mattress and slip into the bathroom. The hot water of the shower helps clear my head of the fuzziness of sleep.When I step out and get dressed, Finnick is gone. I hear sounds of movement downstairs.I walk into the kitchen to find him assembling a full-on buffet on the counter."What's this?" I ask with a yawn."Breakfast." Finnick says. "What does it look like?""Want any help?" I ask, and he shakes his head, pointing to a stool under the counter."It's the least I can do. Sit." He says, and I give in, sitting on the stool.After nearly half-an-hour, he slides a plate in front of me. I begin eating and he voraciously plows through his plate before getting another."Hungry, are you?" I ask with a smile."I haven't eaten in three days." Finnick answers through a bite of toast."Three days?" I ask incredulously, and there's a knock on the door. Every ounce of happiness suddenly drains out of Finnick's face."Let me handle it." I say quickly, and I walk to the door."Hello." I say as I open it. A woman stands there, taller than me by nearly a foot in her massive heels. She stares up and down at my bedraggled appearance."Hello, I'm looking for Finnick Odair. Oh dear, this is his apartment, isn't it?" She asks."I'm sorry, he's very sick." I say. "He can hardly move.""Oh, the poor thing." The woman says."Yes, I know!" I say, and the woman smiles."Oh, well, I don't want to catch whatever he has." She giggles. "I suppose I'll have to make another appointment.""That's wise." I say, and she leaves, missing the coldness in my voice. I close the door and lock it."You are a goddess." Finnick says through a mouthful of egg."I know. You can thank me later." I say as I take my seat again.Finnick smiles and keeps eating like a dying man.I watch him for a minute before words fall from my lips. "How do you do it?"He looks at me. He knows what I'm asking. "You become numb to it after a while. And I'm not saying you don't feel it, that's not what I'm saying. You just learn to turn on and off after a while. There are some days when you can't.""Like a couple days ago." I say, and he swallows his last bite, putting his plate in the sink. I follow him to the black plushy coach. When I sit down I sink in a little and I remember him last night, how he looked when he was trying to disappear."I woke up that morning and I knew the only thing I could do was call someone, call you. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to make it." Finnick said. "I haven't been home in…a year and a half now. I haven't seen the sea in so long. I spend my days on the arms of empty people, men and women who are just carcasses. They aren't even human anymore…they're just hollow. I sleep with hollow people and every time they carve out a piece of me and I get to feeling a little hollow too.""You don't need to say this.""But you, you're not hollow. I called you because I knew that if anyone would be able to make me feel whole again, it'd be you."I'm silent for a second. I don't know what to say."Thank you.""Thank me?" Finnick laughs. "No, thank you, Piper Lockly."I smile and look out over the Capitol, so garishly bright in the daylight."Want to know a secret, Pipes?" Finnick asks, and I look at him to see his old seductive smile."Always." I scoot closer."I've learned the game of this little trade of mine. People used to pay with money, but I've found something much more valuable than that. Now, I deal in secrets.""Oh do you now?""Do you know why President Snow smells of roses and blood?""Enlighten me.""When Coriolanus Snow first rose to power, everyone remarked on how quickly he climbed the ladder. He was charming, yes, and bright, but he was also cunning. If you look at his career, you'll notice a string of mysterious deaths. People who opposed him and people on his side who knew too much. Our darling President is a snake yes, a snake that kills with poison. But, of course, not all Capitolians are as stupid as they seem, so how to kill a suspicious victim? Drink from the same glass. Capitol medicines can do a lot, but they can't completely heal the sores in his mouth from drinking his own poison. So, to hide the blood, he always wears a rose, genetically altered to emit perfume."I have chills running down my spine by the time Finnick ends. "That's terrifying." I say."Ah, we can only hope our dear President chokes on his own venom soon enough." Finnick says.A laugh is torn out of me even though what he's said is dangerous, could get us both killed in some unspeakable way, and he keeps smiling so I keep grinning.Then the phone rings.I lurch up to grab it before Finnick can move and press it to my ear."Hello?" I ask."PIPER, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME! A NOTE! ALL I GET IS A GODDAMN NOTE!""Haymitch, calm down, I'm at Finnick's." I say quickly, wincing from the volume and walking up the stairs as fast as I can with a glance at Finnick."Oh, you're at Finnick's, are you?""Haymitch, stop yelling, I'm fine. He just needed some help."There's a few seconds of silence, in which Haymitch has either collapsed or is trying to calm himself down."Some help?" he growls."I'm his friend, Haymitch." I say, my voice tensing a little. "He needed me. I'm trying to help him."Haymitch sighs and I feel his anger dissipate. "Piper, you can't fix him. I've watched him fall apart for six years. You can't fix him.""I know." I say, and I really mean it, because I think Finnick is probably unfixable. "But I helped you. I saved you. And I can't give up on him just because everyone else has.""How long are you staying?""A few days, maybe more.""Pidge, what if you never come home?" Haymitch's voice is gentle now. "The Capitol already thinks you're their songbird. Don't let it become a reality.""Haymitch," I smile even though he can't see me, "I'll come home. I'll always come home."I hear a grunt on the other line."I love you." I say softly."I love you too, Pidge."I hang up and walk back downstairs."Haymitch not too happy, huh?" Finnick asks me as I descend."He's worried I'll never come home. You're not planning on kidnapping me, right?" I ask as I set down the phone."Wasn't planning on it, but now that you mention it…" Finnick says with a devilish smile.I laugh and look out over the Capitol. I feel secluded here, with the air smelling of salt, like we're living in a bubble. I never want to leave."You should go home." Finnick says suddenly. His smile is gone."Go? I just got here." I say."Haymitch is right, if you stay –""What, the Capitol will keep me here forever? Fat chance. I'm going home." I say. "When I want to."Finnick just stares at me like he can't believe what I'm saying. "You don't know what you're doing."I shrug. "I rarely do."We sit for a moment before I say, "Tell me about the people in District 4. Are they all as pretty as you?"Finnick laughs. "Not quite, unfortunately for them. Everyone learns to fish by the time they know how to hold their breath. I was an only child raised by a wealthier couple. When I was four, they both died in a storm on the sea.""Oh, Finnick, I'm so sorry. What happened to you?""A previous victor, Mags, she took me in, trained me. She didn't want me in the Games, but I was confident. So when I was fourteen, I volunteered. I regret that decision now. It wasn't for some little girl like with you. It was a seventeen year old, big, strong, but I knew I could win.""And you did.""And I did." Finnick nods in agreement. "After the Games, I went home to recover. It wasn't long before President Snow came calling.""He held Mags over you, didn't he?" I say, and he nodded."It wasn't like with you and Haymitch. Everyone in the Capitol loves Haymitch, he's always causing trouble and then he adopted you. He's worth more to President Snow alive. Mags…she's nearly eighty. He could kill her and make it look like old age."I nod. "What's she like?""Beautiful." Finnick grins. "She's the best woman I've ever known. She raised me like her own, even though I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. I was always sneaking off to look for pearls in the middle of the night or having swimming races with other kids. She had a stroke when I was eighteen and she can't talk very well, but there isn't a mean bone in her body.""She sounds amazing." I say."What about your parents?" Finnick asks."Mine explosion four years ago. They didn't feel any pain, which is some comfort I guess." I say. "They didn't approve of me hunting. My mom was very sweet, very fragile. She was always worried about my dad. My dad was very mild-mannered too, never picked a fight with anyone.""Are you sure those people raised you?" Finnick asks, and I swat his arm."They wanted me to get out of the Seam, marry a baker or a mayor or something, so I could get out of poverty. I ended up in Victor's Village.""They'd be proud."I slowly shake my head, thinking back to what I've done, who I've become, struggling to remember my parents' faces. "No," I say, "No, I don't really think they would."