chapter 101.
eddies pov
It’d been almost 24 hours since jumpnow had given me the letter, or so I was guessing, since it felt like it’d been about a week. The tears had dried up hours ago, but the pain was still fresh. Nobody had tried to talk to me, they just came up and put food on the desk near my bed. Mum had tried a few times, but she was smart enough not to push the matter too much.
This was by far the least happy I’d felt about myself for so long, because ash wasn’t even mine. She hadn’t been mine for so long, if she was ever even mine. Looking back it looked like she was more of a slave to her feelings then she was in any way mine.
My phone had rung a dozen or so times but I had ignored it, not wanting to speak to anyone at all. I hadn’t even used twitter, because I didn’t want anyone figuring out that I was upset. Pity from people I didn’t know wasn’t something I wanted, ever.
When I had tried to pick up my guitar and practice all the notes were wrong, the chords sounded off and no matter what I did my guitar sounded out of tune. Until I tried to play the song I had been working on for ash, I hadn’t intended to play it on tour but I knew I had to now. It came out perfectly, and without any trouble. Just like it had yesterday, and the day before. The clothes I’d put on yesterday were all crumpled now, and since there was no way I was going to school today or tomorrow I just put my pajama pants back on.
It was so stupid to feel such a strong connection to someone through a song, but that was all I had now, and I wasn’t about to screw this connection up. Not again.
At least the dreams had stopped, although when I did fall asleep I was so exhausted and sad that I didn’t really dream at all.
I went through the song again, writing down everything I needed to say. We are in this together.
“.. We are one. One to overcome a public enemy. So take authority”
By the time the lyrics perfect I was starving, stiff and feeling a whole lot better, no wonder people use music to get through things when they get tough. For the first time since yesterday I felt like maybe this would all be okay, that I didn’t have to be so upset.
The door clicked shut somewhere on the other side of the room, I didn’t know and nor did I care where it came from, I was too lost in the music. Eventually the smell of food that was leaking around the room pulled me out of my music trance, I expected it to be mum trying to get me to eat again. I turned around to see someone with long chocolate colored hair holding a bag. Laura. I tripped in my race to get to my feet, and threw my arms around her neck messily, she laughed and hugged me back. She was one of my best friends, I hadn’t seen her since we landed the tour gig with short stack.
We had the weirdest relationship, we were closer than I’d ever been to any one of my girlfriends, and we flirted hardcore. But in 4 years of friendship we’d never been together, she was defiantly someone I could confide in.
We ended up sitting on my bed, she’d bought strawberry milk and croissants from the bakery she worked at, and for the first time since i read the letter I ate.
We hadn’t sent anything, yet it felt like we didn’t need to.
“Ed are you okay?”
“yes”
“don’t lie to me. You can’t, I know you too well.”
“fine. But don’t judge me?”
“you know I won’t idiot”
So I said everything that had been struggling in my throat, the words that’d died before I’d said them came back. I ended up in tears again, but I was to embarrassed to look up.
She didn’t laugh, she didn’t say anything. She just let me cry on her, and when I finished I shut my eyes and waited for her to leave. Instead she moved, and I felt lips pressing against mine. The kiss tasted like salt and strawberries, but it had been something that was long overdue.
Could I keep up a relationship with her when I was pining so hard for ash?
