chapter 104.

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eddies pov

“dear ash, you’re one of the weirdest people I’ve ever met, but you’re also one of the most incredible. The wall you put up to hide yourself, to hide how you feel, you may think it’s solid but we can see straight through it. The things you try so hard to keep from us, are the things that we see the most obviously and I wish you wouldn’t try so hard to be something you aren’t. Your past can’t be changed, what you did, who you hurt, that’s stuck. But I could have handeled you better.

That time we spent together was the best, and I’m only just realizing that the stuff you told me I should have done more with.

I realized to late that I loved you, too late to do anything about it. You’re the most gorgeus person, and you don’t even try. I wish I’d done more to make you realize.

I love you, I always have, even if I didn’t show you.

I’m going to miss you, forever.

Love Ed. Ex oh.”

Reading back over the half page of messy scrawl my breath kept catching, I hugged the paper to my chest one last time before putting into an envelope. It was late afternoon and the funeral had been yesterday. With all the fuss over Shaun I hadn’t had a chance to say everything I’d wanted to, plus I felt kind of stupid talking to a coffin.

Laura had come over just after lunch, her goal for the past few days had been to get me up and make sure I ate. And showered. Weirdly, I was getting so used to her being around again that it didn’t feel right without her. The letter had been her idea, but instead of taking it to where she was buried we were going to go to Luna park tonight. Luna park was where I had some of the best memories with ash, and it made sense to put the letter into the harbour there. Plus the thought of rides, junk food and city lights was enough to make me want to go, so bad.

I felt kind of stupid, when a few hours later I was on a train heading towards the harbour. I hadn’t bought anything, except the envelope, and the shirt I was wearing was quite messy and wrinkled. But when Laura got on, my heart skipped a beat. With everything that was going on, she was all I had to lean on and I could feel myself latching onto her, and I had no control over it. We sat side by side, sharing a seat. Our arms were touching, and I could feel her every move, every breath. The amount of times I’d been this close to her was uncountable, we’d been friends for ever. But before I hadn’t had these feelings, and now I did they were rather confusing.

By the time we got to the harbour, I was starting to remember why we were here, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but was I really ready to let go? Forever?

My throat felt like a rubber band had wrapped around it, and I could barely swallow.

“want to be alone?”

All I could do was shake my head, and blink.

She took my hand, which was also normal for us, I don’t know how we got into the habit but it felt so natural.

The water was black, and the reflection of the city lights was shining and blurring my perspective. My hand shook, as I whispered “goodbye” one last time, and as the envelope sunk I could feel the weight on my shoulders getting lighter and lighter.

Laura was silent for a few minutes, she just stood behind me with my fingers curled gently around hers.

Now I felt so much lighter, I could kind of feel how stupid this was. How stupid I was to get this hurt, and how stupid it was to keep pining for someone who I had never really known at all.

I turned around on impulse, and pushed my lips on laura’s, she kissed me back, and it felt so damn natural.

We broke apart a minute or so later, and I felt even lighter. Infact my head was higher than the stars, or so it felt.

•••it’s gunna be a long night;

I’m higher than the stars•••

“you wanna hit the rides?”

“hells yeah!”

We walked together, still hand in hand. But now it was different, I knew I could let myself fall for her.

and we are one step closer, part 2.Where stories live. Discover now