Bliss

14 - Ingrid

 "Then Zayn suggested that they would kill us," Sky tells me in a shaky voice. I take in a large gulp. Kill us?

Today, we have a day off from our jobs because of the explosions and the breaking in. Everyone is off. Oceania is in panic. No one is outside. Even I'm paranoid, and I'm sure Siena feels even worse.

We talk in the living room. Sky and I are doodling, though she's doing a lot better than me. The events that happened last night came into my dreams. Explosions. The fire everywhere. The boys' conversation rings in my ears every time I think of them. Why were they there? "Harry cleaned me up and we returned home. Maya knows what happened. It's all over the news about the buildings collapsing and such."

"He would not kill us," I lie to myself. "He wouldn't."

"You can't exactly say you know Zayn," Sky says. "They scare me, Ingrid." By the look on her face, it seems like she is telling the truth, but lying at the same time.

"Why?" I ask.

"They don't scare you?" Sky gapes, stopping her doodling and sitting up to clutch her knees.

"Well, yes," I insist. "They do. It's just . . ."

"What?" Sky presses.

"I am scared of them. But they helped us multiple times. And I'm not saying I trust them," I breathe out. "I'm going to sound like a hypocrite. I know they had something to do with the explosions."

"You're accusing soldiers with no proof," says Sky. "I don't think they're responsible."

"I'm not accusing them of doing it," I say. "But they know who did. I'm going to find out."

"Ingrid," Sky warns. "Don't. You keep telling me to stay away from them, now I have to tell you. Stay away from them."

"Okay," I say. "Sorry. I feel like taking a swim." I get up and head towards the bathroom.

"A swim?" Sky gapes. "On a day like this? Are you nuts?"

"No," I reply. "I haven't swam in a while, and I feel like doing so."

"I'll come with you,"

"Alone," I tell her. Sky's face seems to fall.

But I do need a swim. Swimming on nice days like this calms me. And I think I need the water more than ever in a situation like this. But perhaps Sky was right. Maybe I am crazy. Me, going out there when there's a threat of danger. I'm not much safer in our house, I guess.

Am I afraid? Yes. I'm terrified. But I can't be afraid of the world.

Even if I said yes, I don't think Sky would have wanted to come with me. We are both horrified more than anyone, since we've been through the explosions. But the water was calling me. It sounds absurd, but it's true.

Oceania is empty. I am alone on the beach. The sand is warmer, since today there are no clouds in the sky.

Today, I won't rush into the water.

I simply walk slowly into the water. I keep walking and soon the water is to my waist. Then to my stomach. My chest.

I stick my head under.

I like the sensation my body feels when I slip into the icy ocean. I open my eyes and the water is blue, clear, serene. I come up again. I am so soothed, and calmed. As if all my problems were washed away by the waves and buried in the sand on the shore.

I move my arms around and swim to a nearby rock. I set my arms on it as I let my feet move around in the water. I look over past the sand and to the buildings of Oceania. Up there is the soldiers' neighborhood. All the same. Equality. I get out of the water in about an hour. It's probably the best thing to be safe. I should go home. But I don't. I need to make another stop first.